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by NoZebra120vClip 1001 days ago
Right, fully understandable. My own situation? I recently decided to compare it to a stubbed toe that's been bothering me these 30 years.

30 years ago I discovered that I had stubbed my toe long ago. It really smarted and bugged me! I could barely walk so I started seeking care for it! Of course I was an extremely sick boy, with lots of latent ailments undiagnosed, but all anyone ever wanted to look at was that darned toe. How many times am I taking off my sock for some woman stranger?

I've incurred charges amounting to ~1/3 of a million dollars (that's a conservative and honest estimate, including 4 hospitalizations) on that "stubbed toe" issue. Not to minimize bipolar disorder, but it's defined as a "mood problem" so if you have mood swings or are moody then you have a mood problem. Mood is a mere symptom; an affect. On the scale and scope of issues bothering me, it is truly trivial and minor. Since 2008, I literally don't have mood swings. I sometimes get agitated and testy; I take strange irrational actions, but it is a normal sort of mood that would be considered natural in any undiagnosed person. Furthermore, I was formally diagnosed "IN REMISSION", via second opinion, about 3 years ago.

So the doctor denies my remission now, and insists that I still have a stubbed toe and insists that I must take drugs to avoid the hospital and dire consequences. Why, how, is stubbed-toe medication going to do that? Don't I need something stronger? You consistently detect serum levels as sub-therapeutic but you don't even bother to ramp up my dosages. Like, surgery or intensive PT or something??! Scheduled drugs, at least? It was literally only 5 years ago when I discovered how profoundly ill and messed-up I was. The doc says I literally have brain damage, and it's true. That stubbed toe really snowballed over 45+ years.

Of course I've sought manifold treatments and I've had mixed success, and I really believe that there is healing and recovery for these people who "stubbed their toe" and ran into so, so many problems afterwards. But today, 30 years on, I have bigger fish to fry; sorry doc but I'm off all of my meds.