[hutzlibu]

"It doesn't make sense, but that's just the way it is."

It makes sense in a way and you are the way you are .. but I think you might benefit from trying to open yourself to new experiences, unless you want to repeat the cycle again and again. (Oh and I don't mean casual sex. Rather something like interacting with people in a way you have not before, which is easiest by going somewhere you have not been before.)