[chronofar]

As I attempted to make clear, none of what I said was judging you or your life or choices or anything of the sort, it was simply a reflection on a turn of phrase (a semantic nitpick as I said, but one I thought worth exploring because of the how often that phrase is used in I think subtly pernicious ways, again to say nothing about you specifically). But my apologies if this wasn't clear enough and it seemed I was judging your individual choices, definitely not my intention.

Of course there are trade-offs and it isn't easy (or possible) to get everything you want. My point was specifically around ensuring we feel responsible and in control of our life, not as though it's happening to us (which again is not a hypothesis about you specifically, just commentary on the language). It's a common trap, one I fall into all too easily, and language is I think an important way the trap gets lain. Perhaps you have not experienced that trap at all, again, was just focusing on the language.