[j7ake]

This implies your spouses all had to accommodate your side of the family, presumably the spouses parents don’t live near you guys. Seems to unfair.

[dang]

"Please respond to the strongest plausible interpretation of what someone says, not a weaker one that's easier to criticize. Assume good faith."

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

[Klonoar]

Uhh, I don’t know if they’re doing that?

This is a very real phenomenon that my wife has noted experiencing as well. It’s a kink in the whole thing that’s worth acknowledging.

[dang]

Of course it's a real phenomenon, but it needs to be brought up without jumping to negative conclusions about the person one is talking to.

Fortunately nine_zeros gave a nice answer and clarification, but often what happens is that the original commenter feels smacked by the mean interpretation, hits back twice as hard, and we end up with an unfortunate flamewar.

This dynamic is in fact one of the main ways we get flamewars, and HN has that guideline to remind us all to consciously avoid it.

[nine_zeros]

Interesting you bring this up because spouses families don't live nearby either. I would certainly consider my spouse's requirements before we move. That said, spouse and I talk a lot about this and we both seem to miss our times with my brother+spouse because they are of our generation. It just makes us all friendly to each other.