We create fake sub-games within the real world all the time, it's not limited to video games. You see this when people get really invested in petty office politics or other such nonsense, and they realize how little it matters when they walk away.
I think people in the real world often overvalue the significance of the games they're playing. If you make a mistake on live television a lot of production people will probably get upset and claim it's the end of the world, but most people really don't care and it doesn't actually matter that much. Sure you should be professional and try your best to avoid mistakes, but there's usually no significant real-world consequences.
Anyway, a while back I uninstalled League of Legends because it was sucking up all of my time and it wasn't even fun.
Have you considered playing with friends or your SO? I think turning video games into a more social activity can help clamp down on the addictive aspects without sacrificing connections. Heck, I've met tons of people thanks to playing competitive multiplayer video games.
I struggled with game addiction. I found that I have a very addictive personality, when I like stuff, I REALLY LIKE IT. Apparently, I also found out that alcoholism runs in my family, it feels like it might be related.
I understand the struggle of gaming especially when most of your life isn't going so great. The appeal of escapism is hard to bear, that's why on most of my computers I can't install any video games because I found when I said yes to Dota, I was saying no to greater priorities in life.
The thing I stopped being hard on myself however is considering that the time spent playing video games was entirely wasted. My 1,600+ hours playing Dota weirdly enough translated into video editing skills that now help with my job. The anger that I had playing the game caused me to deeply look into managing said emotion. The reflection that I had a problem meant that I could improve myself overall. Sometimes a metaphor, such as games, makes us realize the deep seated issues we had all along...
Huh, Dota was my big addiction in college. Thanks for sharing that perspective on how to reframe your time spent in a positive way.
I think for me, I would like to turn my many hours spent into a will and a way to help others deal with addiction to videogames, as well as porn and other digital addictions that are not yet taken quite as seriously as physical addictions.
I think that would be the ultimate way of making something good out of all this
Good for you op. Word of unsolicited advice: plan some activities that fill the void of your video game time. It can be anything like drawing, cooking, hiking or whatever.
If you sit around on the couch hyper focused on not playing the game, you will surely crack.
Yup. Good call. Weather is good these days so taking a long walk will be on that list :) Also photography, calling people for a random chat, and reading fiction.
This resonated with me, thank you for writing it. My own personal rule now is that video game playing should also be social time. I started playing BG3 using wine (on Mac) when it came out, but only with friends. Gaming time is (crucial) social time.
Eagerly anticipating this game has brought me back to my childhood days when playing the game I wanted seems like the ultimate fun, but of course now I have responsibilities. Now playing is a reward for myself if I handle everything else and again, only with friends. Even though I've been tempted dozens of times in the last month to fire it up for a solo session, that rule has stood me in good stead.
If it helps - the game is fine but it’s not the platonic ideal of video games in the way that the press coverage (and your blog) suggest. You’re really not missing anything by not playing it other than an enjoyable way to kill some time.
It’s _definitely_ not good enough to “fall off the wagon” for, seriously.
This story resonates with me a lot. I hope you don't mind if I share my own story (not as a counter-argument or anything, but out of solidarity from an addict in recovery). I don't really talk about this with most people, because I feel very weird about it. I used to be debilitatingly addicted to video games. I played World of Warcraft in particular compulsively, to a degree that I joke about but am also deeply ashamed of. There's an addon that you can install that will calculate the amount of real-world time you've played, across all of your characters.
I would really rather not know.
I'm not addicted anymore, and I couldn't tell you what changed. I have a guess though; I think it was mobile games? But maybe not the way you might think. I got really hard in to some of the early mobile gacha games for a little while. Summoner's War was one of them, it's about 10 years old now. I spent some money on them; I have a tech job, and splashing a little cash on pulling the slot machine lever for powerful new monsters felt good for a little while. But those things were barely games, they were basically the absolute shortest, least ornate form of the hedonistic treadmill that you could offer and still call it a game, they were essentially just designed to form habits and get you addicted to a routine with predictable rewards, and then slowly dial back the rewards as you progress but also slowly dial up the number of advertisements for the in-game cash shop.
Regular pc/console games would at least try to hide the ways in which many games are grinds, they'd try to make an actual experience and give you value for your money and make you feel satisfied about your purchase. There's a lot of psychological tricks involved there, please don't get me wrong, pc or console gaming isn't free of that kind of predation at all (especially these days). But with mobile gaming, that's almost all there is. It's like the difference between going to a nice restaurant and having a couple glasses of wine with dinner vs going to a 24 hour liquor store at 3am and buying a case. At the liquor store, there's no music playing, there's no ambiance, nobody cares if you're having a nice time, you're not there for the atmosphere, you're there because there's something in your brain that will hurt you if you're not.
I think that ultimately, spending money on four seconds of mild excitement over a few special monster summon scrolls that ended up being garbage, and then going straight back into the endless pointless grind, was what actually did it for me. I think there was a moment where I saw completely the whole machinery of the game, laid completely bare. I felt like I could finally see that it wasn't really a game it was like a garbage disposal that I could throw money into. It drove home what a sad little addiction I really had. The total merciless clarity that I was functionally just a type of depressed rat slamming a little lever hoping to get a good treat that would help me clear the next level of a dungeon so that I could grind a marginally better set of drop rates that would improve my clear speed on that dungeon slightly pretty much instantly burned out my dopamine receptors for that kind of gameplay.
The funny thing is, I actually can enjoy video games normally now? I buy games that look fun, I play them a normal amount, and then I put them down when I'm done, whether or not I've beaten them. I feel really weird about the way I experienced that specific type of clarity / addiction burnout, it's a very difficult feeling to describe, but I was just like "oh I hate doing this, I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore". I know for a fact that this is not something that everyone gets to do, and that in a way I'm really fortunate that I came out the other side of it a basically normal casual gamer instead of someone who would do the video game equivalent of sucking the tar out of a cigarette butt to get a nicotine fix, that's not usually how that story goes.
Thanks for sharing your story. I had a similar moment with the mobile game skinner boxes where I just got repulsed and lost all urge. But I still get sucked into higher quality games, thus, this post :)
Good for you? Different people have different challenges, I salute you for standing up to yours. I don't think you should change your mind on this, the feeling of sticking to you 'will' is better than any game.
I want to reiterate my homegrown solution to digital addiction: lock your devices and hand the key to a trusted individual human, the "keyholder".
The keyholder's role is simple. When I ask them to choose a password and type it in without telling me, they do that. When I ask them to share the password with me, they do so. The keyholder role is not about outsourcing discretion or approval around addiction. Instead, the keyholder changes the mechanism by which I access my addiction, in a way that disempowers my "animal brain" in its inner struggles with my "wise man brain". I've had several keyholders at different times; my wife, since I got married, and before that it was a mix of coworkers, roommates, and friends.
Locking devices: On iPhone, I set my own parental controls to 1) limit social media/games to 10 minutes per day, and 2) block the web. Then I had my keyholder change my passcode. On my computers I modified /etc/hosts (and /etc/resolvers/* for wildcard domain matching) then yanked sudo from my daily driver login. Keyholder has the password to the admin account. Updating apps is the main pain point on both platforms.
If you set this up, let me know how it works for you. And, if there is a piece of software that automates the above (in a way that does not give me a simple "let me do the thing" button) please share!
This reads like some productivity porn blog, and looking at othe post titles reinforces that impression. I think that kind of stuff is if anything a more dangerous addiction - gaming is obviously "time consumption", whereas time you devote towards your "career" or "growth" feels like "time investment" - http://www.paulgraham.com/selfindulgence.html .
Some people can't enjoy a game responsibly, and for a few people teetotal may be the only way. But honestly this post sounds like someone substituting one addiction with another (publishing their daily journal) that's not actually any better for them, just less fun.
It comes out for the Mac tomorrow and I'm already not playing it, because I got a Steam Deck this summer as my new gaming machine and haven't had any interest in it. shrug
There's an incredible amount of entertainment media out there now. Way too much to experience any significant fraction of it. You've got to pick and choose. And if you know this particular kind of game will eat your life and leave you feeling a lot sadder than the amount of fun it gives you, then good job for realizing this and staying away.
At first I thought "This sounds stupid, just play a little, have some fun, and move on like everyone else". Then I remembered my own experiences with addictive substances.
Addiction rewires your brain, which is an experience I forget when I am not addicted to something.
It's easier to not indulge at all, than try to have a little and attempt to control it from there.
I have this but with internet\social media instead of videogames. I'd actually like to play more videogames, but my attention span is shot. I'm working on it but it's a long road.
I picked up a weird variation of that since I removed social media apps from my phone. I love BG3 and find the story engrossing but I need to hit pause and do a few laps of the living room every 10 minutes. esp bad since this game does not actually pause the world when you flip to a menu...
I used to be able to focus on a game or anything else for as long as I wanted.
People seem to have an inability to judge this game relatively impartially. They either claim that it's an unholy abomination that should have been aborted by the compiler or it's the greatest invention of mankind since the printing press. In reality (and as someone who played the original bg1, and bg2), it's a solid dnd based RPG experience with an incredible amount of content that is somewhat diminished by the number of bugs that continue to plague it even after its official release.
Haha love your take on the extreme opinions people have on this game. And yeah, the thought has occurred to me that, like most anticipated things, it probably wouldn't be as exciting as I'd imagined once I was really playing it
Good on you. I hope you're able to resist and come up happier for it.
For what it's worth, I'm playing BG3. It's a good game, but it's not transcendent.
And while I don't suffer from gaming addiction, I do tend to dive into the games I play with all of my free time that, when I've finished a game (if I don't walk away before the end,) I look around at the rest of the hobbies I enjoy and lament the time I haven't been spending with them. Regret from my choice of escapism?
I mean its really not that good. I got bored with it pretty quickly and some large sections are pretty tedious if you don't save scum. I think some people were just enamored since it did some things kinda nice (no microtransactions)
I have the same feeling. Boredom is necessary for me to focus my energy on work. If I'm really into a game, it's easy to spend a large portion of my time and mental effort on something purely for fun. It's ok to indulge in entertainment if we are living comfortably, or need a break, but not if we're trying to actively build something.
At one point, my game playing and work kind of merged together.
Delivering features became quests, finding and fixing bad code was the equivalent of breaking barrels for the loot, and there are always lieutenants and bosses around generating defects...
HealthyGamer on YouTube has excellent material on video game addiction. I imagine his actual therapy sessions are great too judging by the videos of his sessions online, but I don't know how feasible it is to get a therapy session with him.
Whatever works for you. It is possible to play a few hours every other day though. I'm 60 ours into BG3 and play 2-3 hours every few days. Binge consuming anything is not ideal, although of course it's fun.
It's strange how people lambast video games like they're a dangerous addiction but praise those who take time to read, watch cinema, or attend theatrical performances. We all consume our art in our own ways.
Maybe we should appreciate what was made by humans while it's still being produced.
Yes, it's all art and entertainment, and every medium has products for every age group and target audience. Somehow many people still hold the notion that games are for kids, or at least not for adults, when there are movies for kids, and also for adults.
Abstinence in common things, or even required things like food is a challenge. Saying you’ll never play is just setting up for failure so when you crack, you play more.
What works for me is to set some non-zero target. That way when I fail, I fail by a percentage instead of an infinite percentage. Pledging zero and playing for an hour is much worse seeming than pledging an hour and playing two. Only a 100% overage.
Some people require abstinence and even total social avoidance to fight addiction. Some people need moderation.
There isn't a one size fits all, and I don't think advocating for OP to give in when they've got a long history of unhealthy behavior is wise -- at least, it's unwise unless you know a lot more about OP.
Neat. I always wanted to make a HN bet. I don’t see your contact info in your profile, so please email me some contact at anything@prepend.com and I’ll connect with you in six months to settle.
Agreed. It's best to see a professional on the best approach for one to take with regards to controlling addictions. It's hard to have an unbiased perspective of your behaviour when you're under the spell.
Specifically for video games, I actually think abstinence is much more achievable than moderation, because if you haven't installed the game yet you can't get any instant gratification. In a moment of weakness you might click install in Steam, but then 20 minutes later it's still downloading and you aren't having fun yet and maybe you come to your senses and cancel the download. You could even uninstall Steam to make it more difficult for yourself.
If it's already there ready to play, it's incredibly difficult to limit yourself to a certain time period (if you're addicted). Endless instant gratification, zero friction, the game never gives you an opportunity to pull yourself out of it.
That's all very cool and I'm glad it works for you, but it doesn't for others. As the author notes, "I wish I could just play them in moderation like most people, but because of my addiction that is much harder for me than simply abstaining."
But it does work for others. Millions of people who play despite addictions or urges to play.
I’m familiar with addiction and the stories we tell ourselves and others. Just because I say “moderation doesn’t work for me” doesn’t mean it never works.
Just like when I say “I’ll never play again, this time I mean it” that doesn’t mean that works either.
People are different and there’s different things that work or don’t work. Addiction is weird and it distorts our perception of reality. Never trust anything an addict says, just trust their actions.
I’ve been to a lot of addiction meetings and it’s never very useful to trust “I’m not going to drink for 100 days. I promise.” It’s much better to focus talk on “I haven’t had a drink in 100 days.”
I think people in the real world often overvalue the significance of the games they're playing. If you make a mistake on live television a lot of production people will probably get upset and claim it's the end of the world, but most people really don't care and it doesn't actually matter that much. Sure you should be professional and try your best to avoid mistakes, but there's usually no significant real-world consequences.
Anyway, a while back I uninstalled League of Legends because it was sucking up all of my time and it wasn't even fun.
Have you considered playing with friends or your SO? I think turning video games into a more social activity can help clamp down on the addictive aspects without sacrificing connections. Heck, I've met tons of people thanks to playing competitive multiplayer video games.