[hutzlibu]

"It only numbs you to the conflict and puts the whole burden on your wife."

Or it prevents the conflict from escalating. Panic and anger are connected, so if he found a way to be calm and stop the conversation, I guess this is way better than having the conflict in a mode of distress. So later, when both are calm, the issues can get resolved.

[dredmorbius]

Persistent antagonists and provocateurs tend to become antagonised and provoked when their attempts to antagonise and provoke fail.

That is a secondary consideration to preventing further antagonisation, provocation, and escallation of the situation itself.

That said, there seems to be an underlying interpersonal conflict, and possibly incompatibility, here.

[hutzlibu]

"That said, there seems to be an underlying interpersonal conflict, and possibly incompatibility, here."

Possible, but I would not judge so much, from the little that was shared. Op just shared what worked for him, to prevent panic attacks. And he shared that their are downsides as well, that frustrates his wife. The rest is speculation.

[dredmorbius]

Which is why I wrote the more suggestive "seems to be" rather than the declarative "is". "Might be" could also have been used.

Much of that depends on what is read into "drives my wife crazy", which could range from mild or even humorous response to scales far more irrational and concerning. My own experience over multiple relationships and time is that small irritations have a profound tendency to grow, and that as people age they become more of who they are, psychologically, much as other patterns of aging etch the same lines ever deeper.

It's an experientially-informed observation and caution, not a diagnosis. But it's something I'd suggest putting some consideration to for anyone noticing similar trends in their own relationships. The most glaring warning sign is a loss of respect by one, both, or all parties within a relationship, familial, social, business, or otherwise.

[hutzlibu]

I noted your "seems to". I just wanted to point out, that it could be seen as overstepping a line, to suggest that the whole marriage is possibly incompatible, because of that little shared info. I mean, of course it does not sound ideal. But I would not dare to judge the whole relationship because of it.

[dredmorbius]

That is an absolutely fair point.

[koprulusector]

OP never mentioned conflict. He just said he zones out and ignores his wife.