| > As a diehard “asker” I can’t help but see “guessing” as narcissistic. Why would you presume you know what I want? Imagine that every time you said "no" to anything, it cost you $5. If that were the case, would you probably find it rude if people made requests of you without much consideration - because every time you have to say "no" to such a request, $5 disappears from your bank account. I mean, you can still say "no", of course, but after a while all that money you are paying out starts to take a toll on you. "Guess" culture doesn't exist in a vacuum. It exists in places where saying "no" to a request, even an onerous request that you have every right to refuse, exacts a social toll on the person refusing the request. Most people don't like awkwardness and don't like being perceived as rude or inhospitable, so if you live in a culture where refusing a request will lead to you being perceived that way, no matter how unreasonably, then you would probably resent being forced to saying no to requests. You might even end up saying "yes" to a few requests you would otherwise have said "no" to. Guessers are not generally narcissistic, they are just trying to be considerate, trying to avoid placing a negative burden on your shoulders when they are the ones who want something. Of course, if you are someone who doesn't have to pay $5 every time you say no to something, then all the incentives are misaligned and I can see why it's frustrating to deal with the guesser. But try to keep in mind that there are lots of people out there who really are paying that $5 every time. I was raised in a hardcore guess culture, but now I have seen more of the world I have no problem asking for things directly so long as the person I am asking has no problem saying no. Without knowing that, I am still a guesser. |