[themodelplumber]

He should make your reply an attachment to his CV. He'll get an amazing job in no time, even if out of sympathy for how he's been treated!

You can be direct, gentle, and helpful at the same time. Just takes a little creativity...

[orbz]

At the executive level you stop getting the kid gloves with the feedback (no feedback sandwich, no mincing words, very direct and to the point). The other thing that happens at the executive level is you stop getting direct feedback at all, so when someone spends the time to give you some direct feedback it is a gift to be treasured. As soon as you find a role you’re already on a PIP and often times the feedback you get will be from your exit interview.

[themodelplumber]

> At the executive level you stop getting the kid gloves with the feedback

Hmm, that doesn't ring true here, I've coached a lot of execs and the ones you described are often getting the coaching for the very reason that they are too direct! The consequences for that are varied and definitely real.

And again, you can be very direct and also sensitive, gentle, etc. So it's not like there aren't any options for putting things out there in an effective way.

> The other thing that happens at the executive level is you stop getting direct feedback at all, so when someone spends the time to give you some direct feedback it is a gift to be treasured

This would seem to be a pretty logical self-reinforcing loop on its own, but again, I have to say that in practice it would be quite an exception. There are many, many different mechanisms through which executives receive feedback.

The exceptions who aren't getting feedback, even in those cases, are the execs who are too direct. Why? Because the same people are often effectively deaf to feedback.

And so, they tell professional consultants and coaches that they'd like to learn to be _more_ sensitive to feedback. Their training is nearly the exact reverse of what a lot of people think execs want or need.

These kinds of execs often explain that they'd prefer to be able to pick up even the subtleties, in a way that a) helps them do their job more competently and b) protects them from even more critique, which is what some of the most direct people out there fear more than anything.

So, I have a hard time buying this as a general principle, let alone some given attribute of just doin' business. If any given person or commentator is experiencing those issues themselves, it's far more likely, in my professional experience, that they share the same blind spot that other over-direct people have.

[orbz]

Well I’d certainly love working in whatever industry you’re in because myself, the myriad of executives I’ve recruited and coached, and my own peer network have the completely opposite experience. Getting a coach indicates that you’re not getting that feedback in your existing organization and you have to outsource it.

[themodelplumber]

Executives aren't an industry, they can come from anywhere. From tech to government.

Or both, one client was a government appointee who came from an executive position in publishing, she knew she couldn't take the same style into a much less private organization. Turns out she brought her new understanding and style back into private life & business.

If you realize you don't really have to be blunt & jerky, even playing the critic archetype isn't so necessary, and it's more like a habit maybe, it turns out that this realization often opens new life opportunities and mental pathways...