[tredre3]

I recognize myself very much in your words. I've also tried everything and it does not change my beliefs, fears, crippling anxiety one bit. Let alone improve my mood. Thankfully does help with mania. But the side effects are pretty bad and the doctors I've met tend to dismiss them, especially the more esoteric ones.

So I have to lie to doctors to steer them towards the care I really need. I would prefer not to lie. I tried not to lie. But when you tell them you want to quit or go as needed, they gently suggest committing you or lose interest in you. They see you as a toy to experiment on. It's impossible to be treated like an adult. It's infuriating.