[giraffe_lady]

I simply do not get much if any of my human connection needs met by coworkers. I have a family, neighbors, close friends I see frequently and less close friends I see occasionally. A church, relationships based on volunteering, hobbies and interests, teens I mentor and their parents I shoot the shit with. Coworkers are so far down the list of priority socialization that my life isn't negatively affected by not interacting with them physically.

[johnnyanmac]

> I have a family, neighbors, close friends I see frequently and less close friends I see occasionally

I guess some people have all the luck. By the time I graduated:

- my family was across the country

- neighbors have never been really friends

- close friends mostly went to San Fransico. No one was in my town.

- Meetups didn't form any relationships.

If there was no work I'd just be lonely, and not for the lack of trying.

[giraffe_lady]

I have experienced all of these things as well, it's not luck that changed it but time and effort. Except meetups, never seen a real friendship come out of those.

[johnnyanmac]

how much time? I was trying for 2 years pre-pandemic and then I've been trying to slowly ramp up this year. Sad part is I'm not sure if the 3 or so years I lost from the pandemic would have even made a difference.

[giraffe_lady]

I'm old and my oldest social ties go back decades now. I think it usually takes 2-5 years of consistent interaction for someone to transition from acquaintance to friend. Neighbors takes years and is just constantly pretty uncomfortable & awkward until eventually it isn't. People come and go too you just roll with it. Most of my closest friends now I didn't know ten years ago. Some of them I won't know in ten years. It's just like that.

At one point I went to a lot of tech meetups and I think they're cool for other reasons but not for forming meaningful relationships. The things that have been most fruitful in that are ones that bring people together for value-based reasons: religion, volunteering, organizing for a specific local cause or movement.

In between are activity-based things like book clubs, sports leagues or game groups. They are good for meeting people to hang out with but individuals in them tend to be transient and I haven't formed many deep friendships from them. Sometimes the line gets blurry though, like martial arts dojos & boxing gyms are activity-based but tend to form tight bonds.

[heisnotanalien]

Me me me. Other people exist apart from you!

[giraffe_lady]

I'm not the one trying to change everyone else's work environment because I can't meet my human needs elsewhere! (and I don't think you are either?) If you value human connectedness then build it into your life. If you don't then learn to live without it. Don't try to shape the lives of others around you in order that they meet your needs merely because they are easily accessible as coworkers.