| > As for me, I'm monogamous because thinking about someone being intimate with my SO is not pleasant. I'm also monogamous, and I'd suggest if you don't enjoy picturing that, then you shouldn't picture it :)
I don't spend much time thinking about my partner of 7 years having sex with other people. That doesn't sound like much fun. Unless that's your thing, some people love that stuff. It's not for me though! > it's not about an insecurity It feels very much like it to me. Maybe not about silly things like penis size, but you fundamentally wouldn't trust that someone loves you unless they hadn't slept with anyone else in the past before they'd even met you? I find that odd. > Do you see significant difference between your SO sleeping with some girl when you can't, depending on the time it happened (whether it's before or after you two romantically connected)? Absolutely. Things that happened before we got together are things that happened before we formed a trusting, loving relationship. Going outside of that now would be a very different proposition. Women or men she may have slept with before are no business of mine nor of particular interest. And this goes both ways. At our ages (mid 40s) it would be weird to expect a clean slate, and frankly I'd be very suspicious of anyone that had one. It probably helps our levels of trust that we knew each other as friends for a long time before we got together. Look, if you value your notion of sexual purity, OK, you do you. But apply it to yourself as well. The misogyny in the other poster's comments comes through when he says "we both did this thing, it devalues her as a person but it's fine for me". > If someone (me included) is sleeping around, that doesn't mean they aren't great as a person, but by that dimension of worth differentiating a friend and a romantic partner they are valued less. To you maybe, this is not universal. But if you judge them as worth less while you were doing the same damn thing, and whining about how they don't want to support someone who 'gave it up' when they were younger, even though you were doing it too ... that's hypocritical and where the misogyny comes in. |