All the colours can be adjusted or turned off entirely in the config. [1] A number of different graph styles are supported [2], and failing that, you can completely customise the output template [3]
$XDG_CONFIG_HOME/jj/config.toml is supported, that's where I keep mine.
The working copy is updated whenever you run jj by default, but watchman is also supported (recently added). [4]
In my experience, the command to fix the stale workspaces only needs to be run in exceptional cases where a bug got triggered and a command failed to complete or if you're doing manual poking around.
It's a mindset shift, but it's well worth it in my opinion.