[6D794163636F756]

I've had chemo, and this was one of the worst aspects. I could feel myself starving and dying through the process. Had to discuss with family what to do when I died and saw the pain that put on them. I can say with absolute certainty that I don't fear death, I fear dying. If I were exposed to a lethal dose of radiation, the anticipation of the pain and death would make me want to kill myself. I don't have words to describe the psychological effect waiting for a seemingly inevitable death has. I can't imagine how much worse that is without the sliver of hope I had.