[lighttower]

there is a little boy inside me who wants to watch all six lectures right away. but now with two kids and constant demand from work, I have gotten used to consuming education as 2 minute physics shorts on YouTube.

the issue is much deeper than the format of media. it's a sense inside me that I'm "wasting time" not "productive" (related but not the same as not remunerated). I feel I* don't have permission* to just enjoy it ... I can give some reasons, like if I go for a bike ride with the kids it gets me and them exercise and my wife some respite, but sit and listen is just passive consumption that will never be productive... I wish I was free of this sense of guilt

[schaefer]

Presumably you spent 12 years or more as a full time student. And that resulted in the life you have now.

If “passive” watching stresses you out maybe try this: take notes, think about how to explain the one or two main concepts to your kids (or wife).

Presumably: your kids are students now: it’s chance to demonstrate that you value learning in your own life (not just on their report card).

[codebolt]

I relate so much to this. The only time I could see myself watching something like this is if the wife falls asleep a bit early on the couch one evening. Or as someone else suggested, if I could get the kids interested.

I do listen to a bunch of podcasts and audio books while I'm doing chores or driving, but that's about it these days. I have a faint hope that I will get more time for personal hobby projects (like learning more physics) as the kids get a bit older (currently 4, 7 & 13).

[agent008t]

Does your wife have to wait for you to fall asleep before she does something she wants to do but you have little interest in? You could just watch these lectures together - instead of, say, watching the news.

[hgsgm]

Watching the news? That's an extremely low probability guess in this crowd.

[cryptoegorophy]

So glad to hear that I am also not the only one with two kids and demand from work and so little free time. Sometimes I fall asleep at night trying to “catch-up” to all the podcasts and lectures.

[pomian]

You know what's great? By the time your kids are around 9-12, you can watch these videos together. Watching just for fun, they are still a wonder to learn from, and they are so we'll presented, that the kids will likely watch with interest. (Maybe half at a time.)

[pests]

Why do you think you feel the need for every waking moment to be productive?

[lighttower]

I know what I'm about to say is not true. but it's a kernel in the right direction. I live in a city where no matter how hard I work I will never own property... and I have this irrational belief that just harder work will allow us to be happy.

[sillysaurusx]

Chill. I say that as a reasonably accomplished scientist.

Yes, work hard. But there’s a difference between working hard on the right thing and doing it just because it makes you feel good.

You’re much less likely to find the right thing if you’re in a spiral of working on things you know will be a waste of time. You can pull as many 16 hour shifts at a gas station as you want to, but people only do that because they’re broke, not because they might find it fulfilling.

I recommend reading http://www.paulgraham.com/greatwork.html in its entirety. You strike me as the type of person it was aimed at. And believe it or not, one of the most important takeaways is that you have to allow yourself to play, just a little, in order to Rome the kind of work that makes you happy.

So explore your interests more, and worry less.

[lighttower]

Thanks for this.

I can reason that what I'm saying is wrong, but it's how I feel. Some other comments have recommended getting therapy... I have, since I was 18. That's the only reason I'm able to say these things and see myself comically on the treadmill. I'm voicing these things aloud because I figured others might felt lack of permission to indulge in a few hours of physics lectures because of a sense of duty to getting things done

Ps. My kids are 8 and 5.

[hgsgm]

>harder work will allow us to be happy.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxer_(Animal_Farm)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxer_(Animal_Farm)

Spoilers ahead! (If historical allegory can have spoilers)

""" When he collapses from overwork, the pigs send him to the knacker's yard to be slaughtered, in exchange for money to buy a case of whiskey for the pigs to drink.

Squealer says that his sayings, "Comrade Napoleon is always right" and "I will work harder!" should live on in all the animals;

"""

[ScotterC]

I could have written this same comment. I fully understand where the mental irrationality comes from. I’ve done therapy etc. But what I call “the hearth of the city” means it’s hard to ever really relax. Caring for a family accelerated it.

[vouaobrasil]

Move cities? There are plenty of places with cheap houses / apartments. Just save up enough and move there, and do something different with your life.

[klausa]

I mean this in the warmest possible way: this is maybe something to bring up to a therapist.

[colineartheta]

Then the propaganda has won.

[ordu]

I believe you should take your time and watch them. It is possible that it will work like with reading: if parents do not read, they do not show an role example to their kids, and then kids do not like reading. I believe parents should think of how they kids see them, what habits and hobbies adults have.

I'm not entirely sure it will work with watching lectures of Feynman, but I think it will. Especially if you discuss what you saw with others in presence of your kids. Or even discuss with kids themselves, they will not understand a word probably, but it doesn't matter really.

> I feel I don't have permission* to just enjoy it ...*

I believe you should feel an obligation to just enjoy it and to show your enjoyment to your kids. If you don't, then how your kids will know, that you can enjoy watching lectures?

[hgsgm]

You don't have to make it about projecting an image.

Make it about living your proclaimed values. Otherwise, those aren't your values.

My kids have learned to mock my hypocrisy (usually when I'm hanging out on HN or worse), and I never disagree with them; I just try to be better and tell them I want them to be better.

[ordu]

> Make it about living your proclaimed values. Otherwise, those aren't your values.

Yes, exactly.

[whompyjaw]

I assume your kids are somewhat young, and probably not going to be an ideal audience, but are you able to watch it with them? I know Feynman is known for his traceability, so maybe your kids will be entranced :)

[logifail]

> I assume your kids are somewhat young, and probably not going to be an ideal audience, but are you able to watch it with them? I know Feynman is known for his traceability, so maybe your kids will be entranced

I'm so glad that someone stepped up and suggested this, I was about to do the same!

[Full disclosure: have three kids - aged 7, 10 and 13 - and my goodness we do have our hands full with them...]

[markus_zhang]

I realized that once I have a kid I need to push every hobby or whatever away for X years. It's like the more social button I clicked the more pigeon holed I am.

[hgsgm]

Better idea: bring your kid to your hobby.

[markus_zhang]

I'd say it's more like grow hobbies that kids can join as soon as possible...otherwise it's going to be years and years of waiting.

[hgsgm]

Watch the video while exercising, cooking, or cleaning.