[fanpu]

The title is actually perfect, but requires some context, after which you might appreciate its tongue-in-cheek beauty:

The author studied at CMU, where the proudly-paraded slogan for an introductory functional programming classes is "Functions are values", which has an almost cult-like status - appearing on their TA hoodies, laptop stickers, and so on.

Other classes soon caught on, first with the imperative programming class declaring that "Functions are pointers", then the introductory discrete math class's "Functions are tuples", and even "Functions are relations" from the databases class.

So viewed in this lens, passing up the opportunity to title it what it was would have been unthinkable.