[kypro]

If being in a constant state of happiness was a disorder my girlfriend would 100% have it. She is unhealthily happy. I've been with her for over a decade and I've never once seen her sad – it's that extreme. I used to suspect she was psychopathic, but over time I've become less convinced of that and now think she's just an outlier.

For some perspective, the last year has been awful for us. Things have not stopped going wrong in our lives and I'd argue our future can never be as bright as we once hoped. As a result I have entered a serve depression, yet all this time she has kept smiling and can only see positives in things.

This will sound quite mean to those of you who value deep thought and self-reflection, but I think the reason she is so happy is because she's unable / unwilling to think deeply about anything. It's not that she's stupid, but she just doesn't really appreciate cause and effect so naturally lives in the moment at all times.

I used to find this frustrating because I'm the total opposite and obsessively try to anticipate the future. It used to bug me how she couldn't see why things were bad. I kinda experienced this again during Covid because I had to repeatedly explain that Covid really was serious and she needs to change her behaviour instead of assuming things will be fine.

My friend used to say that depression is a disease of intelligence. I think if there's truth to that, but I suspect it's probably more that depression is a product of deep recursive thought.

Think about it like this – finding out you've failed an exam or lost your job isn't going to cause you any immediate harm. Such an event is only immediately painful in your mind if you consider the cause and effects.

That said, I think it's probably partly just how you're wired. For example, I'd imagine optimistic people have a slight bias towards seeing positive outcomes and are therefore generally happier as a result.

[gcheong]

Is she particularly lucky? One characteristic that lucky people have compared to unlucky ones, according to a psychologist that did a study on it, is a conviction that things will eventually work out for the best. Of course there are other factors as well but it would seem likely if a person has one trait then they might have others: https://www.stat.berkeley.edu/~aldous/Real-World/wiseman.htm...

[kypro]

No, not at all. Her parents were fairly abusive and distant when she was growing up. She basically raised her younger siblings herself while they were in prison or abusing drugs.

I suppose I consider her "lucky" for managing to rise above all that, but even then it's not like she's achieved any huge amount of success or anything.

My theory these days is that she learnt how to deal with negative emotions growing up, and that was by simply by not over thinking things and not letting things get to her.

She does this unusual thing where if I try to get here to think about something bad, she immediately (and I suspect automatically) changes subject. I think that could be how she learnt dealt with the trauma – just live in the moment and focus on positive things.

To be honest I think "happiness" and "depression" are really complex. I'm sure there are correlations, but I'd guess it's a product of a huge number of physical and environment factors throughout one's life. As much as I'd love to live in the moment and be happy like her, for whatever reason I'm simply not wired like that. But also I'm aware there are people like me who think very deeply about things yet still manage to be happy, so I assume in those case their default mental state is just naturally more biased toward happiness and positivity.