[ganbatekudasai]

Yes, I have strong experience with that. You can look at my other comments in the thread for a bit more insight, but I'd also gladly help answering any other questions, as much as I can from own my experiences of course.

Note though that the people that were successfully treated (so it seems to me) were willing to be treated. They realized themselves that their emotional response appears different. A large part of it, as I understand it, is to recognize when the emotional feedback loops kick in, and break out of them before it becomes overwhelming, but this requires some introspective capability.

I'm basically trying to say: If a family member absolutely sees nothing wrong with their emotions and behavior, it might be hard.

The people I know that did "recover" (or at least seem to manage very well) realized themselves that their BPD needed to be dealt with. You say "I'd love to know how to escape the pain we all feel" as a family member, but know that for the affected person, it is hell as well. I don't think anybody likes spiraling themselves into overwhelming rage or feelings of abandonment for no good reason.

[Apfel]

Great comment, thanks. We've tried to help her break out of it when it starts to kick off. What you said about addressing it at the point the feedback loop kicks in is kind of what we've been trying.

Sometimes it seems to actually work but the condition seems to adapt to any consistent mechanism to calm her down.