[themitigating]

"credit -- credit so you can sit there longer, which is the goal. It's not about winning, it's about continuing to play.""

My emotions are muted and it's horrible. Because of this I felt the most excitement in my life when I was gambling. When I lost it was disappointing, when I won I was happy, but when I was waiting to find out I had a visceral reaction similar to being a child waking up on Christmas morning. They were the most intense feelings I've ever experienced and when you go through life feeling very little it's wonderful.

I wonder now if that kind of excitement other people experience elsewhere in life, like when meeting a friend or riding a rollar coaster. If that's true I'm just fucked.

[pcthrowaway]

I used to play poker pretty seriously (not necessarily super well, but let's say break-even on the game itself over about 2 years going to a casino at least once a week)

The moments between going all-in and before the showdown (where the pot is decided) were pretty exciting, but not nearly as exciting as outdoor rock climbing

[themitigating]

Physical activity doesn't make me feel good. At best running on a treadmill for around 30mins gives me energy that feels good physically but doesn't really translate to mentally.

I've tried intense hikes and other activities but it really doesn't do much. I have ADHD and on and off depression. Maybe borderline personality disorder as well. I did try anti depressants once but it only removed whatever little emotions I experienced, not worth it.

[pcthrowaway]

Rock climbing is great for people with ADHD (speaking from personal experience) because you're mentally engaged, all-brain-cells-on-deck, gears turning at full capacity in what can feel in the moment like a life or death situation.

But it's actually a clever brain hack; if you're following best practices regarding safety, and choosing routes which are also safe, there's very little danger

[beefield]

Out of curiosity, have you tried "extreme" sports like skydiving or downhill biking? I have a theory that people into extreme sports have often muted emotions compared to ordinary folks.

[lobocinza]

Mountain biking is generally not extreme but can be super joyful (in retrospective maybe only the downhill segments are joyful).

[lobocinza]

Treadmills are boring. Try strength training. Can do it at any gym, low barrier to entry, good for health and provide more neurostimulation.