| There are two ways to be charismatic: 1. Emulate charismatic behaviors. 2. Create intentional social space for those around you. #1 is what I would call "politeness" or "charm". There's a strictly traditional (conservative/Victorian, though I'm coming from a western perspective) way to do it, but every branch of counterculture has effectively created it's own version. I would count everything from chivalry to fashion here: anything that helps people make useful assumptions about you. As soon as you are having a comfortable conversation with someone, you are ready for #2. #2 is more meaningful and more genuine, but it's also really difficult to do without starting with #1. Every person in every social interaction exists somewhere on a spectrum from anxious to confident. You can't directly change a person's position on the spectrum, but you can move the spectrum itself. Lately, I've been watching the sketch comedy series, I Think You Should Leave with Tim Robinson. Robinson is a master at playing with that spectrum: He squeezes it together, making intensely awkward cringe moments for the characters; then at the most unexpected moment, he stretches the spectrum out with impossibly intimate social interactions where everyone in the scene is suddenly loving and respectful to each other, totally leaving behind the awkwardness they started with. |
This is circular