[treeman79]

My youngest is like that. Severe ADHD. Opposition defiance disorder. She is amazing and exhausting.

We do a mix of give where we can. Foods that she can tolerate, clothing that doesn’t bother her. But also strict on expectations. She follows directions or gets a time out.

We had many horrible times trying to give her a 3 minute timeout. 90 minutes, 3 adults drenched in sweat. She would run out of timeout, we would bring her back.

However the better we did about staying on top it, the better she learned self control. She’s older now, still a pistol, but is generally very well behaved.

We watch her closely for migraines, as that runs in the family and is a cause of sensory issues for a lot of us.

We only use dye and fragrance free laundry soap which helps a lot. No scented anything in the house.

[ryneandal]

You just described my eldest child, only daughter. We just hit the teens and things are only escalating. She's vindictive and destructive, particularly when she can exercise her resentment towards her mother.

Still trying to figure out _something_ that works, but every failed attempt is both taxing and disheartening. I wish there was more awareness regarding ODD.

[theGnuMe]

We had a neuropsych eval and they recommended reading the book "Your Defiant Child" https://www.amazon.com/Your-Defiant-Child-Second-Behavior/dp...

It's been helpful and was initially counterintuitive. I think the author has one for teens as well.

This may not apply to your situation but the parents have to be on the same page as each other and have a mutually respectful parenting style otherwise things will appear unstable and the kid will exploit that loophole.

Also for all behavioral problems, the only person you can change or control is yourself.

And remember that every behavior is a form of communication of some underlying need.

[treeman79]

If possible channel her into something. We had ours in a few sports. Currently in All Star Cheer. (Not what you see at football games) One even got a late start at 13.

They absolutely love it, and it’s been a big positive in many ways for them. Our lazy unmotivated child works hard now and talks constantly about college, getting good grades etc. basically, she’s doesn’t want to disappoint the team or her friends, so she’s learned to push herself hard. Plus they are so busy they don’t have time to get into trouble.

We had them in horses at one point. Person selling us on it had a good point that keeping them busy and active was cheaper than teen pregnancy or years of therapy.