[phaedrus13]

I've picked up the Samsung Galaxy book Pro or whatever it is, in 16" - and it pretty much checks all these boxes.

Fullsize HDMI, 16:10 screen, headphone jack, sd card reader, USB C and USB A, large touchpad, keyboard is quite good (for me), screen is AMOLED (glossy but nice), battery life is quite good (I get about 6 hours of medium use), it's quite thin with small bezels,fans are a bit noisy but it's not something I care about, SSD is upgradeable (plus another slot for expansion/dual boot), RAM is soldered unfortunately, webcam is good, mics are good. Linux support is getting better, originally it was useless but after a few kernel updates it works quite well. Fingerprint reader doesn't work on Linux though.