[NoZebra120vClip]

My coworkers are not my friends. I don't make friends at work, I maintain professional relationships. I connect with them on LinkedIn, I don't friend them on Facebook. We discuss work-related topics and we solve problems.

I don't chit-chat with my coworkers about music videos or church or the weather. I don't get intimate with my coworkers or try to ask them out for drinks, or tell them how pretty their eyes look. I don't invite them over to hang out at the pool.

It is perhaps unfortunate, but American corporate culture, as a direct result of its diversity and inclusion, has become a culture of non-intimacy and non-engagement. If I attempted to make "friends" at work, I'd risk being nailed for insubordination, loafing, or sexual harassment. It's not worth it, so we find our friends and dates outside the company.

[greedo]

Not sure how you're coming to your conclusion about DEI being responsible for "non-intimacy and non-engagement."

If you can't make friends at work without being "nailed for insubordination, loafing or sexual harassment," you might want to take a good hard look in the mirror at how you behave with your friends.

[NoZebra120vClip]

I chit-chat with my friends about music videos or church or the weather. I get intimate with my friends, and ask them out for drinks, and tell them how pretty their eyes look. I invite them over to hang out at the pool. I have strong, trusting, and healthy relationships with my friends.

I also have strong, trusting, and healthy relationships with my coworkers. I'm not quite sure what the fuck you're trying to insinuate, friend, but I'm not paid enough to care.

[pests]

My insinuation here is if you get "nailed for insubordination, loafing or sexual harassment" while hanging out with your friends...

You may be in fact be performing "insubordination, loafing or sexual harassment." while hanging out with friends.

Should you be nailed for those? Maybe. Should you be doing those? Maybe?

[NoZebra120vClip]

I do have single female friends with pretty eyes, and they're quite receptive to sincere compliments, so I feel sorry for you if that seems unfair. In fact, it would be unfair to my friends if I didn't flirt with them a little and increase those bonds of trust and intimacy.

Do you even know the definitions of "insubordination" or "loafing"? How could I possibly do those things in my leisure time outside of work with people who don't work with me?

Insubordination: "disobedience to lawful authority; specifically, an employee's failure or refusal to comply with a request or an assignment given by his/her supervisor."

Loaf: "(intransitive) To do nothing, to be idle."

I don't know what you think relationships with friends are like, but you sure have weird ideas if you actually think they would reprimand me for low productivity. Which one of your friends has been appointed lawful authority over you? Or is it a hereditary role, like "King of pests"? Lord of the Flies?

[pests]

I said "Should you be nailed for those? Maybe".

So yes I do agree with most of your comment but you did skip past the sexual harrassment one.

[NoZebra120vClip]

Yes, I did, because that's a different animal. "Sexual harrassment" is of course a crime and a sin, but the same behavior patterns in a different context could be welcomed and pleasurable. Also, I used the term "nailed" to refer to punishment, but of course that's a sexual double-entendre.

If a coworker is discussing a task in a meeting with me and I DM her to say she has pretty eyes, that's (1) off-topic (2) unexpected and (3) unprofessional. Now, coworker may welcome the compliment and she may think I was nice to say it, and it was a DM, so others may not find out. Who knows, we could go out for coffee later and begin dating, if she's not my supervisor.

If my friends are hanging out by the pool and I turn to a single friend wearing a bikini and discreetly, sincerely, tell her she has pretty eyes, that's (1) on-topic (2) unsurprising and (3) what good friends do. Perhaps my friend doesn't welcome such a comment or shuns the attention and tells me to stop. If I'm her friend, then I'll respect that boundary. If I'm aggressive, and disrespect her boundaries, then I'm sexually harrassing her, we won't stay friends. In fact I could be ejected from the whole social circle.

But between these two scenarios, the former is something I would never, ever do. Yeah, I notice when a coworker is attractive, but telling them about it is crossing the line. There's no reason for me to go down that road at work.

On the other hands, perhaps I pay too few compliments to my single female friends. I often admire them and they catch me looking, but I think at that point a man needs to say what's on his mind and see whether she's receptive to that kind of attention. And I don't and perhaps I'm regarded as a creep, and that's why I'm single.