If you're okay with your stolen device being reused as long as they can't access your data, you can do that, click the "Erase" button on the Find My app.
Process should be improved at those companies and/or the recycling firms should refuse Apple products that are still activation locked. It will slow down process; but, it is an appropriate route.
As for dead people, a death certificate + 40 days (or a longer waiting period) should be sufficient, imo.