[xp84]

I know you've asked for pointers to materials and not direct advice, but since there is also direct advice being offered:

Make a continuous effort to manage your expectations. Your idea of what it should be like to have a kid (especially past the baby stage itself which people tend to expect to be tiring and limiting) may not match the reality of the kid(s) that you have. My kid is not neurotypical, and it's taken me a long time (and I still have work to do) to get over the fact that my experience won't be like what other parents have, and that our family life isn't like what I remember when I was a kid. I'm happier now than I was when I was dwelling on that.

I really hope that this is useless advice for you and that it's better than you expected! But taking nothing for granted, and going in expecting that things may be super tough will be good for everyone's mental health.

Also: Being a good parent 80% of the time and a bad parent 20% of the time ('bad' meaning letting them watch too much TV, yelling or being short with them, etc. obviously not causing them real harm) is doing really great and you shouldn't beat yourself up for not being 100%. It's absurd to expect to be at your best 100% of the time. Nobody is!