[unkulunkulu]

That must have been a very difficult experience to survive! Do you find yourself coming back to it? I know from experience that trauma can get in the way of functioning and look like reduced intelligence and focusing. Being joyous is part of being healthy and motivated, it keeps our juices running. Do you have enough help to process emotions related with that? You seem very energetic and trying hard to keep to some standards or promises. No matter what happened to your brain, you as a body and soul deserve very much care, compassion and attention, give yourself as much love and trust as you can and ask people close to you for more. I wish you get everywhere in life you wanted, maybe for some time you will just move slower than you hoped :( Give yourself full permission to go as slow or as fast as you can!