[pxoe]

maybe another way around it is, 'do I really need it' -> 'and what that need is? how do I create a need for it?'. for language, that could be - applying that language. finding something that you do want to apply it to, that really gets you going and gives you joy. like, talking to someone, watching someone, listening to them talk, watching a stream, trying to talk to someone on that stream, reading, watching some piece of entertainment, in that language. and creating that 'need' for a 'want', and a 'want' itself - 'i want to watch those things and interact and chat with people - so i need language knowledge for that.' and maybe that could move it a bit closer. finding those bits that you might 'want' more readily - and then have those things move your goals into more of a 'need and want' zone, where you'd be both feeling a need of something more tangibly, and feel the joy in those things and possibilities of them more acutely and have that draw you in to do something.

and maybe it's also eh, it's counterproductive, but maybe it's fine to just have those curiosities - and have them just be that. even if it's kinda 'non-committal' - maybe that's just kinda the dynamic for it, and that's alright. maybe some knowledge of language is just fine, and it's gonna be enough for watching or chatting, and it could be just those little bits of 'knowledge gain' where you look something up (like a word, definition, etc.) as you come across it, and amass some knowledge that way. this - does not help with 'how to do the thing', but hey - maybe there's also isn't really a need to beat yourself down over it either, over some 'thing about it you don't really want to do' when maybe it's just fine without it. (cause maybe that thing could be a buzzkiller that sucks the joy out of it, only further deterring you from it)