[stevage]

It's weird, I have done quite a bit of top-roping and bouldering, but never really found it conducive to making friendships. Or maybe I'm just not the right demographic (early 40s, male). Definitely I chat to people about specific problems, but it never really seems to go beyond that.

[bradlys]

I’m an early 30s male and I’m in your shoes as well. I found it to not be a very conducive space. I think it does vary a lot. I’ve only climbed significantly in NYC and SF. I’ve done some in PDX but not regularly.

I didn’t find any of the gyms I was at to be very “community” oriented. I think the personal experience depends a hell of a lot on how good of a climber you are and how you look. Typical tech looking guys were universally hated in all the gyms I went to - often enough with it being verbally said out loud to make sure they knew for sure. (Even if said people were doing nothing special)

There’s some weird shit going on in the US - tbh. Nerd hate is back on the rise.

[gen220]

Where did you climb in NYC, just curious? I've climbed here for a couple years, and found it to be really welcoming and inclusive of people from all backgrounds, tech included.

I mean, if you show up as a "[stereo]typical tech-looking guy" anywhere in America you'll get some disdain, in the same way that looking like a wall street guy would have gotten you disdain in 2008 +/- 10 years.

Maybe... don't flaunt the fact that you work in tech? It's a space that values humility, and tech is (stereotypically) anti-correlated with humility. I've never really felt uncomfortable for it, speaking personally.

As to the friendship discussion, it's kind of on your charisma and the other person's acceptance of it to move the conversation from bouldering to life in general, but it's a nice open window that I see swinging in the wind every time I go! Just don't wear headphones, and keep yourself approachable and supportive.

[bradlys]

> Maybe... don't flaunt the fact that you work in tech?

I never brought it up nor do I wear FAANG apparel or anything that would indicate such. It would be brought up in conversations among other people that you'd hear. People were always bitching about people in tech going to climbing gyms.

I went to Vital in Brooklyn mostly. I did metrorock in Brooklyn as well. Considered some others but that's where friends wanted me to go.

> As to the friendship discussion, it's kind of on your charisma and the other person's acceptance of it to move the conversation from bouldering to life in general, but it's a nice open window that I see swinging in the wind every time I go! Just don't wear headphones, and keep yourself approachable and supportive.

This comes back to the "how you look" part of my post. People who are good looking tend to have no real issues in this part of life. Become part of the ugly group - you'll find this hurdle much larger. Especially in large places like SF and NYC. Looking like a nerd is much more about your physiognomy, frame, etc. It has very little to do with what you wear.

[gen220]

That makes sense! For context, Vital is a climbing gym where Google employees are arguably the target demographic. It’s a strange, Equinox-y vibe.

Metrorock Brooklyn is in a neighborhood that used to be working class, then was basically an art colony, and is now being converted into high-income housing (it’s been poster child region for gentrification in the last decade). So the resentment of “the other” and fear of change is in the water there, to some extent. Any anti-tech or anti-nerd sentiment is people bringing their outside-the-gym anxieties into the gym, I don’t think it’s representative of climbing generally.

That being said, NYC is one big mixing pot of gentrification. You’d probably have to go to Cliffs Valhalla or something to not hear it as a topic of conversation at all.

Re “how you look”, yeah it’s a truth. To be fair, being in shape and happy are two things that are strongly correlated with frequent climbing, and they help your appearance to others in equal measure. People who are good looking do have issues here when they’re in a bout of depression or anxiety —- nobody wants to talk to the sad or angry person. But you’re right, we’re wired to find symmetric and skinny people approachable, and that’s to our detriment. Vital especially is probably not the first gym I’d go to, if I were feeling self-conscious of appearances.

[codebutler]

I’m surprised to hear about your experience at Vital, I go there all the time and have never felt unwelcome for working in tech.

There’s also a weekly Saturday meetup for people who explicitly want to be social. https://www.reddit.com/r/nycmeetups/comments/13qpv7e/0527_1p...

[gen220]

Oh no quite the contrary, I think we agree! :) Sorry, my comments on Vital came off differently based on the context of the paragraph. My guess is the GP's comment on being made to feel uncomfortable happened at MetroRock – it would be really ironic for a Vital person to say something unwelcoming towards tech, because techies are such a big component of their community. :)

By "strange", I meant that it's not a "typical"/"traditional" climbing gym – in that it's explicitly aimed at the top of market with their pricing, network, and amenities. Although, to be fair, it's a literally-dying breed in NYC so there isn't much to compare it to, locally.

I was saying I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable there if I were self-conscious of appearances, because it's a relatively affluent milieu and setting. I do personally feel comfortable there myself, was just trying to empathize.

Happy to see there's meetups – it's a great place for that sort of thing.

[dustincoates]

Saying that people at climbing gyms are humble and open to others, while being liable to freeze you out if you work in tech doesn't quite square.

[gen220]

I mean, practically speaking most people in climbing gyms are humble and open to others. But there are always individuals in any positive environment who will over-extrapolate the good elements into gatekeepiness and virtue signaling.

I don’t think it’s fair to judge a community based on its vocal negative elements. As you see other people in this thread commenting, many of whom presumably work in tech, they haven’t had any issues with it.

I think many people generally have issues with tech companies, and some subset of that group boil it down to people and act accordingly. Some of them climb and bring it to the gym. Climbing culture has counterculture roots, which is more correlated with the view, but climbing is a pretty mainstream sport at this point.

[ropable]

I feel like indoor bouldering lends itself a lot better to make random friendships. Attempts at any given problem tend to be a lot quicker, there's often multiple people looking at that same problem, and there's the resting between attempts. Because bouldering problems are usually just a few moves, it's a lot easier to strike up a conversation to compare beta.

[stevage]

Yeah, I definitely have plenty of conversations about beta, etc, which is nice. But the closest any of those have ever come to turning into a friendship was someone mentioning the specific days and times they climbed and suggesting I try to synchronise.

[kelnos]

I think it depends a lot on you and your level of outgoing friendliness and openness to striking up deeper conversations with strangers.

I read a lot of the responses here and couldn't see myself making friends in those sorts of situations (and have indeed been in some of them, without results), just because I'm not that particular kind of social to make it work.