[s1artibartfast]

Thanks for sharing your harrowing journey.

The part that resonates with me is the need to see a third alternative between death and the status quo. It is easy to feel trapped and without agency, and this leads to a downward spiral. In my experience and opinion, the key to finding a way out is reclaiming agency and belief that you have the power to change. Willpower is a tricky thing. If you think you have it you do, and if you don't think you have it you don't. It is largely a mystery to me how people go from one to the other.

In my case, one thing that helped is realizing I had choices and wasn't as trapped as I felt. I could leave my family, and my job if I wanted. I could always quit it all and live in a shack somewhere reading books. Just knowing I had the power of choice and wasn't trapped gave me the strength to make progress.

I now think trained helplessness and philosophies that view humans only as a product of their environment are extremely dangerous.