[friend_and_foe]

Dude I feel you, I've had to figure everything out myself. I didn't have an outwardly rosy upbringing, but we have in common the fact that our parents taught us literally nothing. One of mine taught me how to drive, that's it. They never taught me how to do laundry, cook, never took an interest in anything I liked, or anything at all really, and any interaction that wasn't surface level pleasant was met with resistance, frustration, resentment or worse. Any time parenting was expected of them they weren't happy about it.

I'm doing really well all things considered. As someone with older kids, if I may: don't ever lie to your kids about anything, ever, and if they ask you something you don't want to answer, tell them you don't want to answer it. Expect the same of them, and respect them when they don't want to tell you something too, unless it's pertinent to your duty to them. At some point your kids will realize they don't have to listen to you, and at that point they have to want to listen to you or they won't do it. For that, they have to respect you, look up to you and trust you. The only way to ensure this is to live up to what you expect of them and never bullshit them.