[ksaun]

Thank you for your detailed response, and for the book suggestion.

(For me personally, part of my challenge is that I want the ideal. I'd like to be loyal and committed to my employer (and I've tried to select employers that make this more possible, such as smaller and privately held companies at which I hopefully report to the CEO) and to have that not be foolish.

I have trouble truly accepting the reality of human nature, including within myself. From the perspective of "traditional" measures of success, I'm certain that I've hamstrung myself. But I'm unsure I could have done differently; my awareness of my naivete seems insufficient for changing my behavior much. It's as if I cannot endure reality and have to pretend I live in an alternative universe. (Not because I'm so admirably committed to such high ideals, but because I am too weak and afraid to endure the guilt and shame of intentionally failing to meet the standards to which I strive.)

Anyway... thanks again for the response. :) )