| Have definitely been there. And I’m still working on it, on some level. Here’s what I would’ve liked to tell my younger self. 1. Understand it takes time. There are no shortcuts to intimacy. Come on too strong, whether it’s just friendship or it’s romantic, and it just makes people wary. While you’re waiting for relationships to form, make sure you are getting out there and doing things. Make plans with yourself, and commit to them. People will like you more if you’re busy - it couldn’t matter less what those plans are. Just be busy. Physical activities outdoors are best for raising your mood. 2. Build on the connections you have. Someone who’s just an acquaintance? Could be a friend. Did they seem to enjoy being around you? You want people in your life who make you feel good, who make you feel like you belong. So be open minded and pay attention to how people respond to you. If it’s a warm lead, ask them out for a walk or a hike, something active. Makes it easier if there’s something to do. Or sometimes it’s as simple as accepting an invitation, if they’ve already put out feelers. 3. Become a regular. Go to a coffee shop or a restaurant once a week. Don’t go too much, and make sure you’re polite and tip well. The cashier probably isn’t going to be your friend, and you probably don’t want them to be. But those loose connections have a positive impact on your mood, whether you realize it or not. 4. Take a class or join a gym or club. I tried F45, and ended up in a jiu jitsu gym. Better if you find something that you connect with and enjoy. Go in all seriousness to get lost in the activity, but be open to new connections. They will happen naturally once you begin to enjoy it because you will feel like you belong. 5. Get a therapist. If you’ve got any kind of social anxiety, it helps having someone tell you once a week (or two weeks, or month) that you’re just a normal human being experiencing normal things. At least it did for me. Worst thing you can do is lean too much on any one resource. (Again, speaking from experience here…) If people get the feeling that you want something to happen a little too much, it’s like kryptonite. You’ll make mistakes and that’s okay. Take your learnings and move on. It’s just a matter of time before you find your people, you’ve just got to keep at it and not force things. That’s my two cents :) |