Thanks for your detailed response, but the things I listed were entirely in jest. I don't think the uvula causes sleep apnea and don't believe a pill would be able to obviate breathing while sleeping.
Haha I totally missed that, my bad! The uvula thing is pretty scary, some people have it removed entirely in an effort to treat sleep apnea, and from what I hear it seems to help at first, but then often gets worse again (maybe because scar tissue is less strong than regular tissue?).