[35208654]

There’s a hack hidden in this message, one that I’ve built an entire career out of: learn to not take anything personally in a professional context unless you absolutely must. Several times in my career I have heard someone say, “stay away from so-and-so, he’s an asshole.” And every time, literally every time, I have gotten along with them famously. Why? Because I discovered that that I could use the message these individuals couldn’t deliver (because they did not take the advice of Agile Otter linked here) and take it to the right people, with the right tone and the right context, and get shit done. Shit that these people had been trying for months to quarters to get done.

[maroonblazer]

With you. This is Agreement #2 of Ruiz' Four Agreements[0].

1. Be impeccable with your word.

2. Don't take anything personally.

3. Don't make assumptions.

4. Always do your best.

It's as close to the best 'blueprint' for living I've found.

[0]https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Agreements

[69Represente]

how do you become inpeccable with your words?

[atoav]

One thing I think has great importance here if you are a tech guy is to speak clearly. If you are speaking to non-tech people/superiors you have to realize that the only way they have to trust you is by judging the way you talk and how what they can then observe measures up to the words you said.

They can not tell if the malleable logarithmic casing of the turbo encabulator is surmounted in an optimal fashion, so the technical facts don't matter a lot.

Become the person who is known to say the truth and who explains things in a way your superiors can actually make the choice.

I have seen collegues argue true points in an adversial manner and in the end their superiors made bad choices. That was only because they tried to essentially force them into the right choice by telling them everything else is stupid — they were right, but how could their superiors have trusted them on that? They gave them no choice only a strong opinion.

Now imagine explaining them the options and and what the pitfalls of all choices are (including the one you prefer!). Then tell them that it is their choice, but which one you would pick if you where in their shoes and why you would do so.

If you are trusted to keep your word, don't let things look good when they are not and don't let things look bad when they are not then people will also trust your judgement when you present them with options.

[pixl97]

With non technical people I find explanation by analogy one of the best ways, but it works best when you understand who the person you're trying to explain to is. That typically means you have to listen to, and be willing to learn about that other person.

[robotresearcher]

Word, not words. As in ‘I give you my word’.

It means you tell the truth, and if you make a commitment, you stick to it.

[lliamander]

My experience is the same. In an industry allegedly full of (so-called) assholes, you would think it would be a more obvious strategy.

I'm also wary of complaints that someone isn't being sufficiently tactful in their communication: more than once it has been clear to me that tact was not the problem, but rather that the listener didn't like what they were hearing.

[acuozzo]

It's because you have one of these installed: https://www.mit.edu/~jcb/tact.html

[SAI_Peregrinus]

It's the social version of The Robustness Principle/Postel's Law[1]. Be careful about how you communicate (and how your communication can be interpreted), be accepting about how others communicate.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robustness_principle

[low_tech_love]

I understand the good will of the person trying to warn you, and in my experience they are sometimes right, but it’s almost uniformly random. My thought is always “no worries, I can handle an asshole if I must”.

[eyelidlessness]

Can I clone you?