[graderjs]

So I guess that's other stuff that you'll need to feel and process and find some way to kind of feel complete about or air quotes resolve in order to fully kind of move on from this stage. A lot of sadness as well, disappointment. Like I think maybe you just didn't have the time to feel and process and it still hurts. What happened, you know, six, six and a half years ago, it still hurts, you know. And it seems like you probably haven't really had the chance to grieve. And at some point you kind of just became numb about that.

And that's sad. I think, you know, it'd be great to just kind of do that, you know, mental health day grieving thing, put on the sad music, and just let yourself cry and feel sad about all those kind of things and go through that, you know, because that is going to help bring fresh, allow stuff to move and bring fresh perspective probably that will then allow you to feel more moved on. And then when that happens, you'll see more clearly what it is you actually need to do. It may not have anything to do with what I've been saying, but if you're able to process those things, you'll get your perspective, which will work for you and completely clear for you.

And yet I think you do need to feel like you've done something clever for yourself financially. Like you haven't done something stupid. And yet it's strange because I feel that also that like that sort of minimum walk away money achieving that will equate with you feeling like you've done something clever. So it's like it's like you can kill both birds with one stone there. Like getting that sort of money is not important minimum walk away money that you want is also also be the same thing as feeling like you've achieved a clever kind of financial thing there, even though from another point of view, it's just like sort of the minimum you should get. But you like you can get it in this way where it feels clever. Like it will tick that box, you know, it seems because there'll be some sort of wrangle or some kind of clever way to do it.

I don't know, you know, whatever the details are. They're not really that important, I guess, but not for me, certainly not right now. And I'm not telling you this, you know, basically, it seems you'll be able to satisfy your emotional and financial needs around the money. Yeah, I think the worst thing would be if you have lingering unresolved stuff preventing you from actually drawing a line of sand when you finally come on this journey and move on to the next thing, next space for you. But I think if you feel through all that's important for you, you'll be able to identify things you need to do any unresolved stuff you need to address.

And you'll be able to kind of achieve all that closure, basically. Do what you feel you need to do so then you're able to let it go. And in this, you know, how what other people end up doing right is not about you. You just you'll work out what you need to do and you need to do that. But, you know, it's not a guarantee. I mean, you have to you have to formulate that that transition plan that like a culmination of journey plan for yourself. Right. Hopefully this helps.

... continued below ...

[graderjs]

But I also feel quite a lot of fear for you. And I guess there's a lot of fear there for you. You have as well about how you're going to do this. But I believe you can work it out. You know, I really feel for you in this. It must be a really hard time. I mean, just huge the amount of stuff you're going through. It could be that talking to a good therapist could also really help, you know, because, you know, if you find maybe someone through your network is good to talk to or you've heard about someone through friends or whatever who's good to talk to. I mean, that could really help as well, because what you're basically asking for is personal clarity. Right. And so that is independent of the actual topic. And there are techniques or things that help to get that that are independent of the actual subject of the that you want clarity about.

So a therapist, you know, maybe one session, you know, I think it could be something that helps, you know, I'm guessing you feel you don't really have any friends that really understand what you're going through. Right. I mean, sure, maybe you do. But no one who really gets you or really can provide basically what you're looking for there. And that's OK. So I think maybe a therapist could help assist.

And I'm sure it seems overwhelming. There's so much stuff you need to do. And, you know, so I guess you can just lean on your already great execution skills there by just chunking the problem, breaking it down, small steps, stepping through each piece at a time, even though it's not a business thing. It's your personal culmination of journey kind of plan that you need to get through. Right. You need to formulate and then execute that plan for yourself. So you close that chapter and feel satisfied and can move on.

And I'm sure doing all of that seems overwhelming. And it could be that, of course, naturally that, you know, you're maybe distracting yourself, focusing on business tasks to sort of avoid the enormity of this actual personal thing. But obviously, you know, not addressing the personal things you will not feel you got what you want. So obviously, it's it maybe seems sometimes like this is all about the business and things you need to do for that and financial. But there's probably, you know, it's just about the personal perspective that you need to get right in order to close that journey. So that is the side that you need to focus on in order to free yourself. I understand that.

... completed below! ...

[graderjs]

And I think if you do that ((formulate your personal journey completion plan, addressing all the dark, light, and neutral you need to do to feel complete and move on ~~ the company's "work" may never be complete, but you can feel complete, and that's what matters)), and you also have some sort of ritual--some sort of like sign off final celebration!--where you cherish this stuff and you make the toast and you kind of have that going away party and you do all this stuff and you mark the moment, the culmination of these preparations where you've kind of crystallized all this stuff, this acceptance of the journey that you've actually been on, obviously, as opposed to the first three years and this three, three and a half years, whatever. And this expression of your appreciation and desire to leave things in a good place for the people who are important to you there and for the company. And if you kind of culminated in this kind of big moment, it's going away party, whatever. And then sort of on the other side of that, you have like a ritual for yourself to kind of start that new day, that new life.

I mean, apart from writing down like what things you want to do, bucket list kind of stuff and reconnecting with that, part of your life, you have obviously chosen to maybe, chosen to not invest as much in as you have put in this company. Apart from doing that kind of stuff and everything else I said, I don't know what more you can do. Clearly going through this is gonna be a rollercoaster of emotions that probably take a long time to process fully and you may avoid processing after some time, but it's not gonna be easy to face all of the stuff to go through that. But I think it could be as good as it could be and as comfortable as it could be if you follow your heart about this and align with what you really want.

And that will be empowering because you'll basically be saying goodbye to that earlier version. Not that there's anything wrong with that version, it's just that the way things played out, that didn't work out. And there's nothing wrong with that. Neither with those goals, nor with the fact that it didn't work out. Painful, yes, but nothing wrong, you know? Because it seems what you've done, success or not by the judgment of VCs or not, like you've done something really beautiful. So I just basically see the best path for you is the continuation of that natural desire that you have, a fulfillment of that. And that will be success, I think, as you look back on it and you will know that in your heart that that's success.

So hopefully that was helpful and illuminating for you. Best of luck to you. And thank you for sharing your story here. It was very illuminating and beautiful to kind of see what you've gone through.

[susanwise]

Wow...I don't even have any words really. So I'll just say THANK YOU! I will need to read that a coupe more times. But my first question is who are you and how do you know all this and how can I contact you?

[fairity]

Haha, I don't have time to read OP's epic essay, but I love the mood. I think founders who have been through this, myself included, just want you to know you're not alone. Go kick some ass.

[graderjs]

you’re welcome! :) just wanna be helpful and help you out. [e-mail]