[d00mer]

I think I'm not going too far when I claim that such inventions are utterly over-engineered for no good reason.

I had a chance to visit Google's Mountain View office a few years ago, where they had these modern toilets that were supposed to "wipe your ass for you" by spraying water at your asshole or something similar. Never got to even try that feature as I took a pretty properly sized dump and jammed the system somehow.

Unfortunately, there was no plunger at hand to unclog it, neither was there a flush button as everything was automatic. I spent 10 minutes trying fix the situtation, but had to run into a meeting eventually, so I left the big pile of shit for the next person to handle.

Next day, I tried again using a different box in the toilet. Unrelated: the toilet walls and door had like 70cm of space underneath where you could almost see the junk hanging from the person sitting next to you. Very unpleasant. Anyways, the goddamn toilet did not work again. This time I had no meeting and eventually I was able to flush the shit down, but it took like 15 minutes.

I wonder if they still have those toilets, but this was possibly one of the worst toilet-going experiences in my life. I felt like I was unwillingly participating in some sick experiment set up by some psycho.

[pertique]

While I've never used Google's toilets, cleaning your asshole using a water spray is usually accomplished by a bidet. They're somewhat common in toilets in parts of Europe, and quite common in Japan. It's preference, but people usually like them.

That being said, if the toilet component sucked then the whole experience will suck. I just wouldn't discount ass-spraying toilets from one bad toilet.

EDIT: Almost all the toilets with bidets I've used have also had manual flush options, although the UX is hit or miss.

[buro9]

I was never convinced on bidets as in the UK virtually no-one has them.

But then I heard the line (from a Frenchman) "If you got shit on your fingers would you wipe it off with a piece of tissue, or wash your hands? Why would the answer be different for your bum?".

On reflection, why aren't they everywhere?

[wincy]

I bought myself a $400 bidet for my birthday 6 or so years ago. It’s totally cured my hemorrhoids (and my wifes!) which were a major problem before.

South Park recently had a very funny (and tame for them) episode about toilet paper and bidets. Obviously it’s fictionalized but a combination of marketing and non historical usage keeps people in the US from widely adopting something that would be hugely beneficial to them.

[throw0101b]

> South Park recently had a very funny (and tame for them) episode about toilet paper and bidets.

s26e03. "Randy Discovers Japanese Toilets":

* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRL4l2GOqXk

[jwestbury]

As someone else with haemorrhoids, my Toto bidet seat really did improve my life significantly. I've now moved to the UK, where the lack of power outlets in bathrooms (and the fact that our flat has toilets with in-wall tanks) means I'm bidetless, and it's made my life worse again. :(

[aaronmdjones]

As a UK electrician, you can have power outlets in your bathroom. However, it has to obey certain rules. For example, if it is a BS1363 socket, it must be 2.5 metres outside of zone 2 (basically not close to any sinks or baths). This restriction does not apply to switched-fused connection units [1] so you can have an electrician install one of those next to your toilet regardless of how close that is to your bath or sink. These are also used for e.g. heated towel rails.

[1] https://media.screwfix.com/is/image/ae235/13479_P

[DrThunder]

Why would you need a power outlet for a bidet? The one I have just hooks straight into the toilet's water line and uses the water pressure from it.

[clarkdave]

Power is needed for the full “smart toilet” experience, which can include a heated seat and warm water, and other less useful features like a self-opening toilet seat. It’s hard to go back to a regular toilet or a cold-water bidet!

[bluGill]

The fancy ones have are built with a heated toilet seat, a water warmer, timed shutoff, and automated spray patterns. You pay a lot more money for those features, but they are nice to haves vs your basic cold water wash.

[fullstop]

You must live in a warm climate. The water from my tap is frigid in the winter, especially upstairs.

[coremoff]

You can get a Shatfa or "bum gun" installed next to your toilet instead, if you can't get power for an on-seat bidet instead.

They are very common in the Middle East.

Personally I wouldn't do without one and would install one in any new home I moved to.

[bluGill]

Every one of them I've seen was the cause of a large puddle on the floor next to the toilet. I've only seen them in India and so this might be a statement on infrastructure in India. They are all over in India and they all leak, so I'm not interested in having one in my house.

[Symbiote]

Since it's making you ill, why not clean yourself using the shower?

[nkrisc]

> If you got shit on your fingers would you wipe it off with a piece of tissue, or wash your hands? Why would the answer be different for your bum?

For one thing, I don’t eat with my bum. I’m still in favor of bidets.

[DrThunder]

Yes, but I assume you actually clean your ass with soap when you shower? So, why then would be ok leaving your turd residue to get on your underwear all day?

[nkrisc]

To be clear, I do think bidets are superior to wiping your ass with bits of thin paper. That said, if a bit of toilet paper can't get rid of all the "turd residue" down there, then I don't think a bidet is going to be all that much more effective. I may be naïve, as bidets are exceedingly rare where I live, but I've never heard of one that uses soap and scrubs your bum as well. After all, don't people who use bidets still wash their ass with soap in the shower? I can only speak for myself, but at the end of the day my underwear is not covered in "turd residue." If a bidet is the only thing between you and shit-stained underwear, toilet paper might not be the issue. I assure you, as barbaric as we are in the bidet-less reaches of the world, most of us are not walking around with turd residue seeping from our underwear.

[DrThunder]

Your tp is not getting rid of all the feces in your butt and it's leaving a bunch of pieces of rolled up shit paper behind in your ass. I don't care how good of a wiper you are.

Yes a water pressurized bidet spraying your crack is quite a bit better... not as good as actual soap but still. You can apply this to any body part and ask yourself if you think wiping that part with some shaved off tree is better than water???

[idontwantthis]

Seriously. Once you have lived abroad and gotten used to it, you can’t go back to toilet paper. It is revolting, and ineffective compared to just a little bit of water.

[makeitdouble]

Wait, aren't you still wiping your butt afterwards ? at least to wipe the water ?

[DrThunder]

Not really wiping, just padding. This avoids the dreaded rolls of tp stuck in your ass as well.

[bombcar]

There's a difference between pressure washing bidets and those that seem to just be a sink so you can get down and dirty with your bum and fingers

[thejackgoode]

Similar dichotomy applies, pressure washing bidets also splatter. It depends on circumstances, you know

[makeitdouble]

Price and maintenance. I asked while in France, and while you can buy them

- you need an electric plug, and builders tend to avoid putting them in the toilets or aren't asked for in the first place.

- once you have them, the water clogs the thin pipes with calcium apparently. So every one/two year we'd have to replace the tubes.

[MajimasEyepatch]

The calcium issue would mostly depend on the hardness of your water, right? So that would probably vary by region.

[makeitdouble]

It is, and Japanese water is overall pretty soft so it helps in that regard.

[tescocles]

"If you got shit on your fingers would you wipe it off with a piece of tissue, or wash your hands? Why would the answer be different for your bum?"

I don't know about you but I don't tend to touch my keyboard or food with my anus like I do with my hands

[wincy]

You’ll just rip little tears with rough paper all over your sensitive anus instead, giving yourself terrible hemorrhoids.

[SketchySeaBeast]

If you're wiping so hard you're giving yourself hemorrhoids the material you're using is probably not the issue.

[irrational]

We got one during the pandemic when TP was hard to come by. Life changer. I am now spoiled and hate using a non bidet toilet. Ours has a heated seat, warm water, a nice air vent to dry off your bum. So nice.

[th15row]

I'm used to bidets (separate from the toilet) being present in every bathroom, so it's strange to me how some people are completely unaware of the concept.

[afhammad]

413 Payload Too Large

[josefx]

As long as it is not the teapot.

[zelphirkalt]

Maybe shit is not worthless. Maybe we can mine some data outta that. We need to be smart about it though.

I am skeptical, whether spraying water at the butt is a good idea. What about the additional aerosols that creates? And if the spraying does not have the water pressure, you might end up with a dirty and wet butt, instead of only a dirty butt.

I also dislike toilets, which when you dump, allow water to splash up at you. I don't think that water is necessarily very clean.

[looping__lui]

Oh, you absolutely miss the point of these toilets: they show you digital Ads while you are “at the business”. I guess thats a pretty neat revenue stream… To make matters even weirder: you are charged 1 EUR or so for most of these Urinals and then you have to watch advertisements in addition.

[MrBuddyCasino]

> Unrelated: the toilet walls and door had like 70cm of space underneath where you could almost see the junk hanging from the person sitting next to you. Very unpleasant.

Why are american toilets like that? As a european, it seems barbarian.

[0_____0]

Cost and precedent. It's inexpensive to get a prefab kit that only needs to be bolted to a couple spots on the floor and wall, less finicky than building a partition all the way to the floor.

Also USians are used to it, so we don't complain :)

[themaninthedark]

You can get partitions that go all the way down, they just cost more.

But the reason for the shorter partitions isn't generally cost.

1. Security: you can see if someone is still in the toilet when it is closing time, etc.

2. Cleaning: it is easier to clean with a gap, more clearance for the mop.

What I really wish we would get is stall door locks that indicate if locked or not. A properly hung stall door should naturally move to the open position but most are not properly hung. So you have a row of stalls all with the door closed and no idea if they are occupied or not. Which means you are either pushing on the doors, looking under or through the gap. It's Barbaric.

[0_____0]

Edit: OK found the real reason. ADA requires 9" toe gap under partitions for maneuvering. 12" gap for compartments for childrens' use. If the compartment is wide and deep enough those requirements go away.

ADA Standards: 604.8.1.4 Toe Clearance

Those reasons are valid, but I'm not sure they beat "my vendor has a kit for this."

Like, even if you wanted a partition that went to the floor, a lot of vendors don't even have them. That's why I say precedent is a big reason why.

[MrBuddyCasino]

Ah yes, of course its regulations. I'm not sure how "valid" those reasons are, the amount of people dying in bathroom stalls over here is not getting out of hand last time I checked (which is never).

[gambiting]

>>What I really wish we would get is stall door locks that indicate if locked or not.

Wait......that's not standard in the US????? I've never seen a bathroom with a door lock that doesn't show its state on the outside, even if it's a simple mechanical latch.

[bombcar]

You often have to "crackpeek" to see the state of the basic mechanical latch in the USA: https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/11rd9ia/i_hate_how_to... has a picture

The "moving part" doesn't go through the door.

Fancier bathrooms have deadbolts or equivalent that show the occupancy on the outside; amusingly enough so do the portapotties.

[seszett]

Wait, so not only are American toilet doors very short, but they don't indicate either if they are locked or not?

This is so simple (turning the lock reveals a patch of green or red) and useful that I can't really believe this is uncommon anywhere.

[sebazzz]

> Also USians are used to it, so we don't complain :)

Go insane when a nipple shows on TV, but fine to almost see each other's parts in public.

[DrThunder]

Not sure about the other features of these Google toilets but a bidet is absolutely something everyone should have. You can buy a cheap one from Amazon that hooks on to your existing toilet. Sooooo much better actually cleaning your ass instead of smearing shit around with your tp and getting tp bits stuck in your crack.

I'll never go back to pure tp after having a bidet.

[rationalist]

I have a bidet, but I think the main problem is most people don't know how to use a toilet properly.

If you spread your cheeks apart before sitting down, there is a lot less surface you have to wipe.

If you lean forward when you go (rest elbows on thighs), you're in the anatomically correct position (the Squatty Potty's selling point).

Wipe any sweat/hairs off the seat after you get up before you flush, and close the lid (or lift the seat if there is no lid) before you flush to avoid spraying dirty water on the seat.

Having a somewhat decent diet (mine isn't great, but it's still good enough) helps a lot too: turds will have form rather than just be like a paste, requiring just one wipe to make sure things are clean.

I doubt 99% of parents teach that (and they probably don't even practice that themselves). And most people aren't going even consider optimizing their toilet routine or care about the person using the toilet after them.

[SOLAR_FIELDS]

Are you Scandinavian by chance? My Scandinavian colleagues were always completely mortified at the massive gaps we have in American stalls. The rooms Scandinavians get are complete utopias in comparison

[Macha]

It's not just Scandanavia, most European countries have, if not full on doors on their cubicles, non-visible vertical gaps and horizontal gaps of at most 5cm (2in). You might occasionally see a pub or shelter with US style door gaps to discourage drug use, but very much the minority.

[zrail]

You need more fiber in your diet if you're dumping toilet cloggers every day, my guy.

[inportb]

You need Google Fiber https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=re0VRK6ouwI

[fullstop]

I don't have a bidet, but I'm seriously considering getting one as it's a much cleaner option. I wouldn't clean peanut butter off of my hands with a tissue and consider it clean.

My kids used to get scared by the toilets which automatically flushed because their bodies were small and it was easy to be missed by the sensor and it would flush while they were still sitting on it. It's older technology, sure, but it's solving the problem of people not flushing toilets while introducing new problems.

I was once in the Microsoft building in NYC and used the toilet when the person in the stall next to me quickly fled the room and I saw water starting to run under the toilet wall (which was maybe 20cm from the floor). I had to quickly finish my business and tell the person working the desk that I had gone to use the bathroom and saw that a toilet was overflowing. I guess what I'm getting at here is that either all of the tech giants have toilet problems or you need more fiber in your diet.

[sandworm101]

I am reminded of a recent BBC article: "Man killed by telescoping urinal." That is some scifi horror imho. And it happened in front of a theatre showing the Harry Potter play, suggesting dark arts at work. Then I learned about what these objects actualy do.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-london-64439322

[mrighele]

What is interesting is that you don't need absolutely any technology to have a toilet that cleans your ass with water. It's really just a pipe that comes out from below the seat and a knob to manually open/close the water, it's even simpler than the flush.

[bluGill]

You need water pipes from your water source to the toilet. That technology is a lot more complex than you give it credit for. Most likely there is an electric pump someplace in the chain, which adds in a lot more technology. (There is also water treatment, but since we are not talking about drinking water I will ignore that)

[DrThunder]

Every toilet already has a pressurized water line going to it.... it wouldn't be able to refill after a flush if it didn't

You literally just T junction off the line that's already present. Not complex at all. The bidet itself has a valve that stays closed until you're ready for it to spray.

[bluGill]

That has noting to do with how complex the technology behind our water system is.

[DrThunder]

What are you even talking about? Your responded directly to a comment about bidets, not water system complexity.

[fullstop]

Look, if I'm going to blast my ass with water it had better be at least luke-warm.

[t-3]

Even in a Michigan winter, mine never gets uncomfortably cold. Water pressure varying seemingly at random is more annoying.

[DrThunder]

Nah man the cold water is a refreshing wake up and a welcome guest after those spicy dumps.

[userbinator]

I suspect they were "low flush", which means exactly what it says. They're supposed to save water, but only if one flush is enough.

[dna_polymerase]

This must be the most hilarious comment I've ever read on here, and everyone is discussing this without even flinching… :D

[Y_Y]

Sounds like you wandered into the search department by accident

[quickthrower2]

Bidets are quite nice when you get used to them

[danjac]

> supposed to "wipe your ass for you" by spraying water at your asshole

Presumably the tech is called Google Wave?

[fnord77]

the point is to show ads

[loveparade]

It's fine, Google killed that product a while ago. You probably got caught in the middle of the shutdown.