[andersentobias]

I think a big part of my personal development is not attaching my identity or self-worth to existing or established hierarchies. That's just status-seeking.

Like, if you studied math or CS, or studied to become a MD... Maybe you're prone to take yourself to seriously because of it. There is and will always be a feedback loop in society because we are all humans and always seeking attachment (in the psychological sense) to other humans.

I have self-worth because I do not try to justify it relative to something I do not control, like a Ivy Leage graduating class, FAANG, or whatever, but instead of accepting myself as I am.

Thoughts?

[mikrl]

Same and so it is with most of my favourite people to work with: those who are very technically competent, collaborative and with amazing personalities.

Unfortunately, this is a losing strategy in corporate environments and you will be outcompeted and replaced by relatively average and territorial status seekers.

No I still don’t play the game, yes I wish I could turn off the “ick” and just do it.

[klabb3]

> most of my favourite people to work with: those who are very technically competent […]

I’m similar but I would say that being curious is the fundamental trait, and competence usually falls out as a side effect. It’s always fun to be around curious people, sometimes especially if they’re not experienced.

[dasil003]

> Unfortunately, this is a losing strategy in corporate environments and you will be outcompeted and replaced by relatively average and territorial status seekers.

This is not universally true. I would agree that overall things trend in this direction over time, but as long as a company is still growing and has the opportunity to win in the market, then collaborative doers can still beat talkers. Of course, politics are still the inevitable consequence of trying to coordinate thousands of people to figure out and execute on the right priorities without any individuals having anything close a full picture. If you're more of a heads-down thinker and builder then it's true you will be at a disadvantage against the social climbers—in the short run. But over time, provided the right feedback channels, the doers reputation tends to increase, while the talkers reputation decreases. Bullshit detection is 90% of the job of upper management in large corporations, it's a tough job and rare skillset, but when done right it results in an environment where good work and honest collaboration is possible and celebrated.

[Aeolun]

> Bullshit detection is 90% of the job of upper management in large corporations, it's a tough job and rare skillset

It’s incredibly hard to detect bullshit if you have no clue what the job entails.

[DeathArrow]

> Thoughts?

Some of the greatest achievers in human history like great scientists or artists were very modest. Some were the opposite and liked to brag.

It does not matter much if you brag or not, if you have titles or not. What matters is if you achieved something important.

There's a great half mad Russian mathematician who didn't take much part in society, lived with his mother and worked in complete secrecy. When the results of his works transpired somehow, he was awarded the Fields medal, the highest distinction a mathematician can get. That distinction came with a large amount of money. He rejected both the medal and the money even if he was poor. He achieved results and that is what matters.

Depicting yourself something you are not is grave. It means that you are either insane or you want to deceive others.

[klabb3]

> There's a great half mad Russian mathematician who didn't take much part in society

Grigori Perelman, my personal hero:

> A reporter who had called him was told: "You are disturbing me. I am picking mushrooms."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grigori_Perelman

[DeathArrow]

I didn't want to nominate him. People here can be nasty.

Anyway, guy is a lunatic from a legal or social perspective and a genius otherwise.

Why can't people and the media respect his privacy?

He doesn't have a signed contract with society to produce math.

[roflc0ptic]

Yeah, I think identifying into roles is unwise in the long term. In addition to the benefits author cites, it also tends to distort one's thinking in bad ways: if you identify into something, threats to your status in that thing matter. It's obvious in political identities, but more subtly true in other ways.

[cutemonster]

I think so too, and, sounds like:

"Keep your identity small", http://www.paulgraham.com/identity.html

I wonder if you've read it

[waboremo]

I agree with this, but I also don't believe that it's an exclusive alternative to what the blog is suggesting.

Part of the path of acceptance is also accepting what your roles are in your life. These roles aren't about what is projected onto you, which is where a lot of the internal strife stems from, but instead how you are trying to see yourself.

The blog mentions titles like "writer", and it's a great example of a role. You should absolutely refer to yourself as a writer if that's what you're doing. If you're in marine biology you should absolutely call yourself a marine biologist. You aren't status seeking here, you are recognizing part of your identity.

The important bit of that is "part of your identity". You aren't "just" a writer or a marine biologist, so what other roles are core to your identity? Maybe you're a caretaker too. Again these are all parts of your identity and recognizing them isn't a bad thing, actually the bad part stems from the miscommunication.

Often when people are meeting each other, they will single out the larger part of their identity, for simplicity sake. We misinterpret this and believe that they are just that one role and project all past ideas of their role onto them. Jake is no longer Jake the writer and other mysterious roles I don't know about yet - he just becomes Jake the writer. Remedying this miscommunication involves recognizing how all identities are formed of parts, not a lack of identity, so we can then start viewing others as the complex beings they are.

So what roles do you play in life?

[Tade0]

I generally agree, but personally I don't think I have that much control over what is the source of my self worth.

I mean, it was enough for me to spend a few months in 2020 on a contract where I had easily 4x my previous rate to forever shift my self-percepction.

I've become a temporarily embarrassed high-rate contractor and I can't help it. Kinda shallow, but it's interesting that this feeling persists after three years.

It wasn't even a high rate by SV standards - just really high for my corner of the world.

[bee_rider]

I think there’s a tendency to self-describe as an X and start throwing around the lingo of X, to stave off concerns that we don’t really know what’s going on under the hood. Fake it ‘till you make it.

Personally I have an aggressively bad brain for lingo, so I try to get people to describe what they want in little words. If actually describing what they want in easily understood terms just happens to clarify things, well that’s a nice side effect!

[candiddevmike]

Loving and accepting yourself benefits a lot of things around mental health. The phrase "you're your biggest critic" is too true.

[poiuyt098]

Dismissing a huge part of society and the history (and future) of civilization as "just status-seeking" is a bit unconsidered.