[yusefnapora]

> I just want to die.

Good news! You definitely will - it happens to all of us. I'm sorry if this comes across as glib or dismissive, but during the times when I was considering an early exit, it really helped me to consider that nobody gets out alive.

Whatever peace or oblivion you hope to find will be yours someday. Does it really have to be today? Is there nothing left in the world that you would like to experience first? Nothing you'd like to contribute or build?

You speak a lot of failure, but the unspoken corollary is that you've been _trying_. That's worth something. Quite a lot actually. Given that you are fighting against despair, one of the most powerful and insidious enemies of life, you can rightly claim every day as a victory.

If one day, you are too tired and hurt to continue, there is no shame in that. But I would encourage you to take pride in the victories you've accrued so far, and not to dismiss them simply because you haven't expelled the specter of despair entirely. It's a hard fight, but you're less alone than you think, and there are joys and surprises awaiting you that you cannot predict.