[prometheus76]

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering. I have struggled with many of the things you mentioned. This will be an unpopular response on this board, but I want to share it anyway, because it's the only thing that has helped heal me and helped me find relief.

I began attending an Orthodox Christian church about four years ago. I was a staunch atheist for many years before that, but my life was falling apart and I felt I had nothing else to lose. It was strange and I had no idea what was going on, but I also felt more peaceful and couldn't wait to go back.

It hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, but my whole life has been transformed in ways I never would have expected.

Again, I am sorry to hear you are suffering so deeply. I will pray for you and I hope you find peace soon. Please don't give up.

[needadvicebadly]

I was raised in an Orthodox Christian church, and I blame it for much of the parental authoritarianism and shame I was subject to, although I do recognize that is more an institutional thing than it is the philosophy. I at times wish I had discovered the religion later in life like you did.

[prometheus76]

It's never too late to re-approach it as an adult.