The way to do it is to press the wiper button (press in on the stalk button) to swipe one and then it gives you options for manual wiper speed selection via an on-screen control.
I am absolutely not defending Tesla at all, and do genuinely believe they do things that are incredibly stupid in auto design.
But - at one point, when the shift was the right stalk, wipers were controlled via a switch, knob, or other mechanism either on the dashboard or on the left stalk.
So. It's not like changes haven't happened before.
They were still physical controls that offered tactile feedback and never moved so you could always operate them blindly.
Also my parents are older and something in their skin makes them routinely almost invisible to capacitive touch controls - heck I still have trouble from time to time getting displays to register reliably.
I loathe touch controls and will never buy a vehicle that only has touch controls. Luckily all my current cars are in excellent condition and I pamper the crap out of them. If I'm lucky I'll be able to be buried in them :p
Sign me up!
This is a huge improvement over my 2008 Kia where I twist the stalk and don't have to look at it and I can keep my eyes on the road.
OTOH, my old Kia doesn't have Full Self Driving. Ah well.