I was confused about the movie you were talking about - in “her” yeah there’s this scene, but the screen is black (and it’s more uncomfortable than anything else).
Parent can always watch first. 12yo is middle school right? 8th grade? I doubt this would be a 12yr olds first exposure to this kind of thing (and the context of the movie’s story is not a bad place for it).
Rereading the OPs request they mention “adult language” in the matrix so you’re probably right that my recs won’t be a good fit.