[yesseri]

This makes me really sad to read. I really hope you don't do that. I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you.

I sometimes feel like life is to much. What helps me is the realization that life right now is hard but I am enduring. What makes it feel to much is the feeling that this burden is going to go on forever. So I try to be satisfied with the fact that I am capable of handling life right now, and the future is a problem for future me.

What techniques have you looked into for improving your condition?

[Llamamoe]

It makes me sad too, but it just is what it is. I've had individual days of the sun shining through the clouds, but in the end, the trajectory of my life is always downwards.

It doesn't matter what I tried. I don't have enough executive function to stick to it. For every win, I fail two other things. It's a thankless, Sisyphean struggle just to survive from one day to the next.

I wish I could catch a break, but my other problem is horrifying, debilitating, day-long fatigue after eating nontrivial amounts of anything at all. No specific triggers, it's either starve myself or feel so horrible I can't even read/watch/game to distract myself.

It's just too much on top of abysmal sleep.

[bhhayuwhabd]

I'm no expert so don't take too much stock in this suggestion, but I figured I'd speak up on the off chance it helps you.

I experienced similar symptoms with eating anything causing extreme day long fatigue. This was a problem for me for over a several month period. It started as diarrhea when eating my typical diet of seemingly healthy foods. Then it progressed to eating very little and getting exhaustion from eating even when diarrhea wasn't triggered. I reasoned that I probably had IBS, and worked on figuring out what foods trigger it. For me I found it was the following: milk products, high fat products, animal fat, any meat except low fat chicken and fish, high fiber vegetables, high fiber grains, high FODMAP food such as fruits. Eventually I settled on a diet that cuts out all of my IBS triggers and I feel much better.

Another major trigger is meal frequency and size. If I eat too much at one time I suffer from IBS and exhaustion. I suspect that this may also be a factor for you. So I suggest eating small meals many times throughout the day. This helped me tremendously as well.

Lastly, medication was very effective in managing the issue as well. Imodium and peptobismol can be used in combination pretty frequently. This slows down your digestion and reduces gut inflammation, which I hypothesize is what causes the extreme exhaustion symptom. You can also see a doctor for IBS and they can prescribe you other medication that has a similar function but is perhaps stronger such a viberzi, though Imodium and peptobismol worked well enough for me. When I want to experience a cake or something outside my diet, I take all this medicine preemptively, including lactase if having dairy, and eat a small amount of it, and make sure not to do that too often.

I don't know if any of this will actually apply to your situation, but regardless I sincerely hope you find a solution as I did. I certainly understand how poor health is one of the hardest things to deal with emotionally.

[Llamamoe]

So far I've been met with specialists blaming it all on stress, despite the fact that I'm a remarkably calm person outside the flares(they make me feel abysmal). I'm not able to single out any specific triggers, and at my current level of debilitation I've been unable to make major changes in my diet.

I'll be seeing a hopefully good gastro soon, and if all else fails I'd like to try DIY FMT, but it's all such a horrifying struggle against multiple sources of severe disability with no support.