Honestly-- lie. It's none of their business. If they comment on the work hiatus and choppy history simply tell them it was family related. You had to take time off to take care of your family.
I don’t think this will lead to a healthy relationship with a good firm. Maybe a short term one though and that will pay the bills.
If I were an employer, I would think that it is my business. I want to understand why someone has a gap. OP doesn’t need to go into any detail and can just say “medical reasons that I’m completely recovered from and no longer apply to any position” and leave it at that. But lying is a bad strategy because they’ll either need to maintain the lie forever or the truth will come out. And it’s hard to have a good lie. If a candidate says they had family related work gaps for four years then that will place them poorly compared to candidates that don’t.
I’m of the belief that even though employers may lie or be deceitful, I don’t want to be. I understand that puts me at a disadvantage and I accept that trade off for “doing the right thing.”
I also look for companies that don’t deceive like this and don’t want to be in a situation where I try to explain that I only lie to bad companies and promise not to lie to them.
I think it comes down to framing and the vibe you project when you talk about it. Realistically, while the people interviewing you may be sympathetic on a human level to issues of burnout, mental health, etc., they are also going to be asking themselves whether it could happen again, which would make them look bad for taking a chance on you.
If it were me, I would just say I was taking time to explore the world and have fun, or work on non-tech projects, or read a lot of books, or something like that, but have now decided to it's time to buckle down and focus on career. Put a positive spin on it, in other words. Most people have dreams of doing those kinds of thing, so they're less likely to hold it against you, whereas anything that hints at you being difficult/high maintenance could get their guard up.
"If a candidate says they had family related work gaps for four years then that will place them poorly compared to candidates that don’t."
Same applies to telling them you had health issues?
You are right, not lying is going to place you at a disadvantage. Especially when your competition is lying, padding their resumes and leveraging their networks as well.
Yes, but at least it’s a real story in stead of a fantasy.
I’ve worked in orgs where the resume passers and lying applicants are heavily screened out. There’s no perfect way to do this, but as an applicants, I’d rather tell the truth and demonstrate my value than lie and be believed without demonstrating.
One thing I really like about programming is that you end up with a portfolio of projects where people can evaluate your design decisions and code and whatnot down to an individual level. I think this is harder with other professions that don’t produce direct paper trails of individual contributions.
If I were an employer, I would think that it is my business. I want to understand why someone has a gap. OP doesn’t need to go into any detail and can just say “medical reasons that I’m completely recovered from and no longer apply to any position” and leave it at that. But lying is a bad strategy because they’ll either need to maintain the lie forever or the truth will come out. And it’s hard to have a good lie. If a candidate says they had family related work gaps for four years then that will place them poorly compared to candidates that don’t.
I’m of the belief that even though employers may lie or be deceitful, I don’t want to be. I understand that puts me at a disadvantage and I accept that trade off for “doing the right thing.”
I also look for companies that don’t deceive like this and don’t want to be in a situation where I try to explain that I only lie to bad companies and promise not to lie to them.