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by scottmas
1221 days ago
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For myself, I had a bunch of unresolved mental health challenges in my early twenties that made finding love practically impossible for me. Fixing those issues and learning to relate to the world in a more realistic way was huge for my ability to both give, receive, and enjoy love. And this was true no matter how much I wanted it at the time. Second in my journey was gaining confidence in myself in social settings, not just romantic ones. Until I could consistently enjoy myself with genuine friends in a low stakes setting, how was I supposed to be able to enjoy myself with potential romantic partners in a high stakes setting? Third, I had to recalibrate my brain from the tendencies of romantic perfectionism I had picked up on in my years of unrequited yearning. Learning to see girls as human beings, not as idols to be worshipped, was a big change (I know that sounds a bit extreme, but it’s honestly how I was approaching things). I also had to learn to care less about dumb things in romantic partners and focus more on what was truly most important: character, similarity in values, relatability, realistic levels of attraction. As long as I was only searching for someone who could give me those teenage dream vibes, I was basically ceding control of my future romantic happiness to my pituitary glands. Which pop music makes sound great but which is a terrible plan here on planet earth when talking about something so essential to your long term happiness as romantic connection and family. So there you have it, the simple three step process that got me happily married to the love of my life and launched me into the joys of fatherhood and 2 am newborn feedings. YMMV. Good luck - you’ll figure it out. |
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I get the impression online that many guys could benefit from doing this. Doesn't sound extreme at all.