This is starting to sound unhinged. You're identifying strongly with Evan but you're also denying how deeply he matters to you. That seems mentally unhealthy.
I think anyone can see something is wrong upstairs, man. If that sounds like trolling, I'm sorry. It sucks that HN is your only contact with the real world and I hope you can find something to worship besides Elm/Evan.
It's uncool to troll like that. This is a two-day old thread. Were you just hanging around waiting for me to respond so you could troll?