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by johnfn
1217 days ago
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I like that this essay frames up this issue, but it's ultimately kind of disappointing in its conclusions. Relationships wear out because they develop scar tissue, and they develop scar tissue... because they do. And there is no clear way to prevent that from happening except to try hard. He doesn't even go into any of his strategies, meaning you're just as on your own as you were before you started reading the essay! It feels to me that a lot more could be said or conjectured on the topic. |
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Once you can safely establish that, it's not really hard work. Just need to be able to feel comfortable enough with the person to say your real honest thoughts and feelings.
I understand that for some people that is really hard to express what they are thinking and feeling, to anyone, even themselves, but if you work on that, then the rest becomes easier.
It was hard for me, this last part, and I had to find some good books and resources to help me understand myself first. The books that helped the most were Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle, and Before You Know It: The Unconscious Reasons We Do What We Do by John A. Bargh.
Aristotle allows you to see that there is a way to find the middle in any kind of context, and that there is no really "best" in anything, or "the right way" in anything, and it really depends on the person. This allowed me to see better in others' perspectives and empathise better, and not feel too bad when there are conflicting opinions, since none of us are the same.
"Before you know it" allowed me to see how we think, subconsciously and consciously, and how some things are in our control and some aren't.
I hope this helps.