[O__________O]

Sure, happy to clarify anything, including why I see engaging an existing social group with the intention of finding a long term relationship as problematic.

In my experience, way people act in a relationship long term is frequently is more comparable to how people act around strangers than within an existing social group. Common example of this would be if you’re on a date with a stranger and they just randomly leave, are mean to waiting staff, etc — though they would not likely exhibit that same negative behavior the date was from a existing social group because of the negative blow back.

[est31]

That's a fair point, a test in an environment where social norms force conformance to rules is less helpful than such a test where there is no/little social enforcement against bad behaviour. The same time though, when you are in a dating environment, then you know that the other partner is also judging you. So sure there are people who leave on the first date and stuff like that, but people will always present some version of themselves towards people, whether you are a stranger or a friend. But lying to a friend circle for a long time is much harder than lying on someone you only met through some internet chat app with pictures

For example, it's easy for a cheater to not tell on apps that they are in a relationship, while it's tough to lie to an entire friend circle about that. They would have had to join the friend circle just with the plan to mislead people. I'm not saying it's impossible, just that it's a higher bar. Like leaving an unlocked bycicle around vs one that can be opened in 10 seconds with a 50$ tool: with the first you can drive off immediately upon discovery while the second requires you to bring the tool with you.

[O__________O]

Just to be clear, I agree it would be harder to cheat for a potential long term mate from an existing social group. That said, if a potential partner was a cheater, it’s highly likely that it would be much easier to figure out if a stranger is cheating than someone from an existing social group, since they already are aware that they need to be careful if they don’t want to be caught.

Said another way, it’s ultimately impossible to know for sure if someone is cheating without reaching the point of being equally toxic by not respecting an individual’s right to privacy, independence, etc.