[ekleraki]

I am asking you, as a trans person fearing for their life, how i should call the people i am terrified of, the people who seem to hate me for my mere existence without ever interacting with me, who have already decided that i am going to hell and seem to want to help me go there sooner.

I do have friends with different political beliefs. They don’t know about my “status”, they have expressed horrific comments about LGBT people without seeing the irony in the fact that said beliefs are learned and so i just dont say anything so as to not out myself.

I was politically on the “opposite” side of this, until somebody showed me empathy for the person I am, they helped me learn to love myself instead of hating my mere existence.

For the first time i have something to live for, and all i see is attacks against people like me on the rise. For the first time, I have something to lose.

I just want to live, unapologetically, for me as me, and yet i am terrified of the people who openly call for the murder of those just like me.

Do you know what that is like?

What am I supposed to do?

Just sit there and watch?

[adamrezich]

why would I reply in earnest when you've already insulted me and the entire sort of state I live in? how can you go from that, and bringing up all these different tenuously-connected names and issues, to genuinely asking what I think you should do given the situation you find yourself in, knowing full well that you'll take offense to basically anything I have to say, for one reason or another? what could I possibly say that would satisfy you? and even if there was something I could say—again, impossible, as you're basically fishing for me to say something for you to take issue with and get emotionally worked up about—why would I want to? this has not been a pleasant exchange, and I'm alright with it being over now.

[ekleraki]

Nothing I could express will ever be satisfying enough to convince, let alone persuade you into responding earnestly.

Whether you respond to me it’s entirely up to you… you need to choose to believe that people can change, as I have changed … you have to choose, despite all odds, to try to do the right thing, not just now, but every time, despite how difficult it may be, despite how disappointing the expected result may be, you have to choose to believe in people..

I have opened my heart, i have expressed my deepest fears.. I have been crying all the way from work to my home… i want to believe in people…

I want to believe that people can look past what makes me “different”, and look at me as a person struggling to live with their circumstances, trying to live an honest life and be a good person…

I am only human, I am terrified, and I am sorry.

I just want to live… for the first time I have a reason to and i am terrified that i will get beat or worse…

You have no reason to… you need to choose, to choose to leap into faith.

If you choose not to, I want you to know that I am sorry, and .. I understand why you chose not to. I’d have probably done the same.

[adamrezich]

this emotional gaslighting from a random handle on the Internet is very strange and disconcerting.

I do not owe you anything, especially given how this discussion started out.

you are projecting things onto me that you have no idea about.

you are implying that I am somehow treating you differently because you identify as trans, despite that only coming into the conversation with your reply before this last one. you somehow turned me pointing out that people who frequently use the term "fascists" tend to not really argue in good faith, into me somehow refusing to recognize your personhood or validate your existence or some such thing.

this will now be my final reply to the strangest discussion I have been part of in quite awhile—may you eventually find peace.

[ekleraki]

I am sorry that my messages have been misinterpreted. I wasn’t trying to gaslight or emotionally manipulate anyone. I didn’t imply that you are treating me differently either, and i am sorry my messages caused such feelings.

I was genuinely looking for something to hold on to, that the people I called fascists are just confused and manipulated into hating people like me.

You are right, you don’t owe me anything. But it’s beneficial to ask and search for “what we owe to each other”.

I hope I didn’t take away your capacity to believe in people and made you cynical.

It seems that at the beginning of the conversation i failed to follow Scanlon suggestion. Today is another day, today i will try to be better. We live, we learn we grow, we change.