[throwaway_sp11]

Other commenters have also pointed out that I have a skewed view of what counts as "professional experience, which is something I'll fix. My high school & college work included more than editing HTML, but it was still junior-level and I understand it's a tough sell for that to count as work experience.

Know that I really appreciate your detailed analysis and the information is really helpful to know - thanks for taking the time to type this up.

[freedude]

How well rounded is your resume? FAANG is not the real world and most hiring managers know this. You might want to highlight where you haven't been often enough if you are trying to make a break for it back to reality.

[throwaway_sp11]

This is a useful tip to keep in mind. Thank you!