[WkndTriathlete]

Tell us you don't understand the theory or use cases for SQL databases without telling us you don't understand the theory or use cases for SQL databases.

There are indeed times when a simple key-value store is appropriate, but the encoding of hierarchy and the relational calculus are useful for so many more use cases in business applications. SQL as a language is certainly flawed - it would be nice to be able to algebraically/programmatically join select clauses and conditions, for instance, or to perform multi-inserts - but the semantics of the storage and engine are based on some pretty mathematically sound foundations.

You may find the seminal paper by Codd as illuminating as I did if you read it.