[Traubenfuchs]

> It is uncanny how much this mimics my own experience.

A significant amount of people damaged exactly like that run around. It‘s nothing noteworthy nor exceptional. And there is no recognized cure for us.

My pet theory is that through either nature or nurture, we are permanently damaged individuals that won‘t ever experience what we perceive as the normal, healthy social life and mental states. Our brains are permanently altered to our detriment.

Connecting to your anecdote: I am 30 and my mom still mentions what a lively and happy child I was. I wish she wouldn‘t, because it hurts to hear about the potential I squandered, lost or had stolen.

[sammalloy]

> we are permanently damaged individuals that won‘t ever experience what we perceive as the normal, healthy social life and mental states. Our brains are permanently altered to our detriment.

Pretty much all of the available evidence says otherwise. Look into neuroplasticity, developing healthy habits, and exposing yourself to people and situations that are far different than your comfort zone. I’m not the same person I was 20 years ago, and I’m not the person I was ten years ago. If you’re not busy growing, you’re busy dying. Change is the one thing we can count on to improve ourselves. But you have to accept it and get on with it. There are some people out there who have great difficulty changing and growing. Best to confront that now rather than later. Challenge yourself every day, and at the end of a year you’ll look back and laugh at your old self who said they were permanently damaged. Everyone has their unique way of doing this. For me, it’s going to nature and immersing myself in it every day and trying to find the beauty in all things. Find your own way.

[imiric]

> I wish she wouldn‘t, because it hurts to hear about the potential I squandered, lost or had stolen.

I think this negative mentality doesn't help. The sooner you try to live life to the best of your abilities with the cards you've been dealt, the sooner you'll feel better about your present and future. We can't change the past, but we can choose to accept it and move on.

[ryanwaggoner]

There are no magic bullets, but the research on psychedelics and depression are encouraging.

[Traubenfuchs]

The only time I managed to acquire psylocobin was on an island where a big rave was happening. A hippie guy sold me magic mushroom pills. I was too scared to take it in this atmosphere and wanted to take the pills home. To leave the island, one had to walk through nipple-high water. The pills in my wallet melted away in the water.

Maybe some other day.

[bnjms]

If you are in the US mushroom spores can be found in head-shops and grown easily enough. If you have friends who smoke weed they will likely know someone who knows how to get mushrooms.

Raves are fun enough as it is. You made the right choice.